Resolutions for 2013

New Years Resolutions 2013

FIND A JOB!!!
Eat Healthier
Intake less soda
Back into yoga and fitness
Proper skin care
No dropped classes
Read more books
Spend more time with friends
Cut back in the bad language
Challenge myself more
Few more tattoos
Start a food/recipe blog
Live life to the fullest
Pay off more of my debt

Out With 2012 And In With 2013

Well I guess it's time to wrap up 2012. Nothing really big happened. Lots of little things. Got back into school and ready to tackle the next 5 semesters and get the hell out of there and on to bigger and better things. I paid off another bill. Macy's is paid off and closed. This year I am hoping to pay off the final 2, or at least pay off one and get the other caught up and not having to pay so much every month to get it caught up. I only have a couple thousand dollars in credit card bills to pay, which when I really think about it isn't as bad as a lot of my friends who are like $10,000 in debt and that's not even school loans. When I think of it this way, I don't feel so bad. My resolutions are in the works and I am hoping to have them posted by New Years Eve.

Last Class Of The Semester

I cannot believe how fast this semester has gone by. It's probably because I have met some pretty cool people. I hope we stay in touch.

But on with the Holiday season. I am hoping to have my Christmas shopping done this week. All my gifts I have right now are wrapped and labeled. Thank god. I need to take a wrapping class. I love wrapping gifts but I suck at it. Ugh. Oh well.

I am beginning to work on the New Years resolutions and to see how many I have accomplished over the last year. Probably not many if any, but hey at least this year I tried.

Spring Semester 2013

Well this is the first semester ever that I have gotten all the classes I wanted. Thank god. I am actually taking more classes then the counselor and I decided on for my Ed plan. If I keep this up I will be graduating sooner that I thought. That would make me happier than a kid in a candy store.

Shit. Fuck. Damn it!

Just realized that Christmas is exactly 1 month away. Still have a lot of stuff to get and wrapping paper and boxes and tissue paper. God the holiday season sucks. I always lose my hair. Haha.

It's That Time Again

Is that's time again. The holidays are here. Guess its time to start writing the annual list of how my resolutions went and make the next years predictions. I don't quite remember what I wrote last year. I can only imagine its like years past. Accomplish only a few things but a few are better than none. Lets hope the holidays stay good to be. Thanskgiving was a little nuts.

I Need To Get This Off My Chest

It has been bugginge for quite some time and I figured if I blogged about it, it might make me feel better.

So Chris' brother Josh got a puppy from a friend at school. He was told if he brings him home he would have to take care of it. Everything was fine, up until a few weeks ago when Josh started leaving him outside. Now I told him not to put the puppy outside at night because 1) he doesn't have any shots and 2) there are many different animals that pass through the yard at night and could bite humor what not and pass on their diseases. He didn't listen, of course. Then Chris told him he needed to pick up the plants from the fair he grew because the puppy would start eating them and get sick. Did he listen? Nope. Sure enough the puppy got sick. So sick he didn't eat for 5 days and was looking like one of those dogs on the super sad "send me money" commercials. I said he needed to go to the vet. Again no one listened. Chris and I gave him some of Chewy's medicine and he started to get better. Josh put him outside again after we told him to leave him in the garage until
the backyard got cleaned up. True Joshua fashion. He got sick again. Again we gave him more of Chewy's meds and he got better. So last night Josh was feeding the dog and he was mixing the puppy's dry food with raw eggs. Bad idea. But I don't know what I am talking about. Oh well, if the dog dies, I can say I tried. Oh and this morning to go out to the garage and he has started chewing on everything and started ripping up a pillow and there is pillow fuzz everywhere. I can only imagine how much of the fuzz he ate. Ugh. In so over this. This poor dog! I wish he had a better home.

So Very True

When something tries to come in and disrupt the life you have, it always makes you love what you have that much more. ♥

Ask Why And You Shall Receive

So I just had a friend ask me why I am trying so hard to lose weight. She says I look beautiful just the way I am. I thanked her and ended the conversation at that but I think I just found the perfect quote to sum up why I am doing what I am doing.

"To Not Be Ashamed Of My Body"


I want to be comfortable looking at myself in the mirror. I want to like the way I look. I do not want to be ashamed of my body.

I Just Couldn't Stay Away

There has been way too much that has happened over the last month for me to stay away for any longer than I already have. I basically caved in last night when certain events happened on Facebook by me stating my opinion that I knew it would only be a matter of time before I came back to get all this shit out of my head because we all know what will happen if I don't. I become one really pissed off, cranky person. Thank the lord none of you really have to see this first hand, but for poor Christopher, he isn't so lucky. 

So where to begin...

Well I know I posted about being back in school. 1 class this semester. But let me tell you this is by far one of the funnest classes I have ever taken in my life. She makes it fun and very interactive. I have met some really awesome people in this class. We seem to stick together for everything. When we have to partner up, we don't even have to move or worry about anything because we all know who we are going to be partnered with. I say everyone should take Human Sexualities. If you can, come take it down here at Modesto Junior College(MJC) with Suzie Corman. Bitch is hilarious. I did find out that I have my final day of completion at MJC. 795 days away. December 20th 2014. I know it seems like a hell of a long time but it's because I procrastinated when I first started college that now it's kicking me in the ass. On top of that I have 2 years at a University and then another year for my credentials. I swear I am never going to finish school. Someone want to just do all the work for me? That would be nice. 

Oh yeah... I moved back in with Christopher. It was just easier because I watch the baby. I don't watch him as much anymore with John Paul home with back issues but still I am here when I am needed. Plus I think it was better for me because I just didn't fit in with everything going on over at Big Mommas. I was not comfortable with people coming and going at all hours. There was a lot of stuff going on over there that I thought I would be ok with but it ended up just getting under my skin. Oh well. Live and learn right. I had even thought about moving back home but that was not what I wanted to do and plus my life is down here now, not there. 

I have still been looking for a job. I have a lead for next week. An interview with Macy's. It's only for seasonal help. It's better than nothing right? A lot of people I know that were hired on as seasonal help ended up being brought on after the holidays to become full-time help. That would be even better, but I am not going to think that far ahead. One day at a time. Still looking for something more permanent. Going on 15 months of not having a job. I am going crazy doing nothing. Most of you know that I can only do nothing for so long. 

Ok so on to the events of last night....

Baseball season is starting to close. We are currently viewing the NLCS and the ALCS. The NLCS is the San Francisco Giants vs. St. Louis Cardinals. There was a play last night when Matt Holliday(STL) was sliding into second base and tried to break up the double play. He was going into for the slide. To me, and to a bunch of people I have talked to about this, saw that Holliday's toe of his shoe got stuck in the dirt which prevented him from entering a full slide. He ended up, unintentionally, taking out Marco Scutaro(SF). He ended up hurting his hip. All the Giants fans on my page began to talk mad shit saying that Holliday was a dirty player, that he intentionally hurt Scutaro, blah blah blah. I made a post last night, as follows:

                       

So I got to see the slide to second that Matt Holliday had and NO GIANTS FANS, it does not look like he intentionally did it. If you look closely his foot got caught on the dirt which prevented him from entering a full slide. Go ahead jump all on my ass, you all are going to do it. But I don't give a fuck. Take someone else's opinion into account for once.

I knew that people would jump my ass, hints the reason why I said what I said. A debate went back and forth and ended with some of us agreed to disagree. Until an ex of mine, who is still a friend decided to have this conversation with me, as follows:

Jessica, you may not want to hear this, but dirty play or not you invited aggression with the way you phrased your original post. As has already been said, everyone is entitled to an opinion, but unless I missed something you basically started out by picking a fight. You can't get mad when people accept the challenge. It's just a game everyone and Scutaro is fine so people need to quit acting like babies and chill out. Both sides. 

My response was as follows:

There was no picking a fight. I'm sorry you took it like that. I didn't know that stating my opinion was picking a fight. But I understand your side, but I still don't see me picking a fight.  

His response:

"Go ahead jump all on my ass, you all are going to do it. But I don't give a fuck." is mainly what I'm talking about.  

I came back with:

I know how people respond to posting opinions on Facebook. That's why I posted what I posted and how I worded it. Was no way shape or form trying to pick a fight. If I was picking a fight, I'm sure I would of had more people on there chiming in.  

Then things began to get one sided:

Well like I said, people on both sides should take it down a notch. It's over and done with. Expressing an opinion is one thing, but this thread goes way beyond that. I'm sorry you got the messages you got, but in my opinion you could have handled it better as well. Be the bigger person. Just my two cents. I hope you have a better night.  

I chose not to respond to that comment. I want to know how me stating my opinion was trying to pick a fight. Shit is ridiculous. I have had a night to sit and ponder on this, so I am not as pissed off as I was last night, which is probably a good things. I would of said things that probably would of made me sound down right stupid. I was expecting people to post their opinions, which is fine, but when you go past that and start putting me down and putting things in my mouth, like I was out of line with my responses and that I was 'trying to pick a fight', you went a little too far. If you didn't like what I posted you had 3 options. You could of posted that you do not agree, ignored my post all together, or delete me. I have known this person for well over 10 years and he knows that when something bugs me I will post about it. Ugh. And on top of it all, people were sending me messages because of this post. I think I got 15 in total, 4 people ended up deleting me because of it, but I thought I would share the best of one them all: 

"You are a ghetto ass bitch of an A's fan. You wouldn't know a dirty player if you saw one because your teams is full of them. So shut your damn fucking mouth when you don't know what the fuck you are talking about."

Obviously this person does not know me for me. They are a friend of a friend. I met them a few times through a friends, and they added me just because. It didn't bother me. But if they ever paid any attention to anything I have said over the few years I have known them, is I cheer for the A's because they are my home team, but I am a die hard Red Sox fan. Born a Sox fan and I will die a Sox fan. I sure the fuck am not ghetto. I may have grown up in Pittsburg, but I am not where near stupid, ignorant ghetto that this person thinks I am. And as for the A's being such dirty players, let me just remind this person, that you have a few old A's players on your team that at the time of playing with the A's have had a few 'dirty' plays. Everyone has one eventually, but not intentionally. Oh and yes I am a bitch, but I was never one to you. But as of right now, I am going to be the biggest bitch whenever I see you. I do not hate the Giants, but I am beginning to hate some of the Giants fans that cannot take the opinion of someone other that a fellow Giants fan. Stupid pathetic people always seem to make me laugh.

 

I Think I Am....

I think I am going to take a Hiatus from my blog for a while. I really need to focus on school and finishing. So I am out of here until December. That's after my class has ended.

Until Then...

xoxo

Jessica Lynn

Falling Into Place, Maybe?

So I think things might actually be falling into place right now. I have a new goal. I want to transfer to UC Berkeley to get my Bachelor's degree. I meet with the counselor on the 28th to see what I need to get an AA and transfer. I hope it's not a whole lot. I would really like my Grandma to see my graduate. She isn't getting any younger. Haha. The only thing that would be the topping on the cake, is to have a job come through. That would be perfect. I don't want to jinx anything though. So I am going to stay humble. Not get too excited.

This Cannot Be Happening

I always truly believed that going to a Cal Berkeley game would be the one place in the Bay Area I could go and not have to worry about any drama or seeing people I never could care to see again. GUESS AGAIN. I saw this morning that Andrea(Abby's older sister) went to the game this weekend and made a comment on Abby's page. "OMG!! You will never guess who I just saw? That dumb bitch Jessica and her fucking boyfriend. Fucking Poser!" Really?? Dumb bitch! Calling me a Cal Poser? I hope you die you dumb cunt. I guess I can't even go to the Cal game and relax anymore. This pisses me off to no end. That was my only spot left I didn't have to worry about the white trash. I just want to go back in time and never ever talk to those people and I wouldn't have to be going through what I am going through now. I thought this shit was over. It's been over a year. You both really need to grow the fuck up. And if I ever see either of you at the game I will push you down the stairs and laugh my ass off and you roll.

I Know I've Blogged About This Before...

But I've never really posted my opinion about it.

Joe Paterno. Penn State coach for 40+ years. Did everything great for that team. They say he is to blame for the Jerry Sandusky case going on to as many victims as it did. I do not believe so. He followed the book and told his superior about what he was told. In any employee handbook, when you tell someone who is higher than you on the hierarchy, it is out of your hands. He did what was called of him. You fire him. You take down his statue. Take his name from just about anything. You took his will to live. He died less than 2 months after you fired him for something you taught him to do. Dear god. I have a good feeling that even if he keep telling more and more people, he could of been killed by someone for putting their name out there or still would of been fired because he made Penn State a sour word in people's mouth. Watching this interview with the Author of Paterno's book "Paterno" is making me feel so bad for JoePa. I will be going to find this book and read it. I would love to know JoePa's side of things and not just what was told to us.

First Week Of School

Well the first week of school is coming to a close. My class isn't all that bad. It's actually kind of fun. Human Sexualities. The teacher is hilarious. The only bad thing is that I have to pop out $180 for the book and $26 for a clicker. I am going to be broke. Lol. I just want to be finished with school like right now. It better be worth it. I still need to set up an appointment with a councilor to see just what is left. I also need to make a Dr's appointment to get my blood pressure checked and to get my pills refilled. I need to get my car smogged and then my car registration paid.  I also have a couple of credit card bills to pay. Holy crap I am going to be broke.

Well... Um....

Today is the first day of the fall semester. Lets see how long it takes me to finish school. It will probably take forever but I guess it needs to be done so I can get people off my back.

School....

I think this is why I have discouraged school so much in the past is because of the cost. One of my books for my Psychology class alone is $180. That just one book of 2. That's just one class of 3 I hope to be in by the beginning of the semester. I cannot believe how much I am going to be spending in books alone. I should of just gone away to school and finished it right out of high school. I would of been done and been a teacher by now. I wouldn't be complaining of money or anything like that. I guess the phrase is true. The choices you make when you are younger really do shape your future. I am terrified to meet with a councilor to find out what classes I need to get my AA and then I need to go on and get my BS. I really don't know what to do anymore. I went through this once already going to school and I ended up giving up for a while and being very depressed. I don't want that shit again. I can't take it. 

Week 2

Well... I just started my second week of workouts. I have been taking Hydroxycut since last Wednesday. So almost a week on that front. I have been walking/jogging almost every day. I am trying to keep it up. If I don't do it in the 100 degree summer valley heat, I try to get out with Chris when he gets home at about 11 at night. It's cooler and it's always nice to have someone with you to motivate you. My knee is starting to feel the affect, but I still push myself. I wish I would of started this sooner because then I wouldn't be so embarrassed to show up to my party on Saturday in a bikini. I am really determined to keep this up. I want to go back to a healthy lifestyle. I want to be sexy again. I want to be able to put on Lingerie and not be so upset when I look at myself in the mirror. I think it really got me when I put on the last piece on Lingerie that was bought for me and it looked like I had a baby bump. It was not cute. Chris says he loves me just the way I am, and it's great to have someone who doesn't care what you look like, but I think I will be happier with myself when I look like what I want to look like. I refuse to get on a scale right now. I want to keep this up for at least a month before I weigh myself again. I weighed myself when I first started and I was 160 lbs. This is the heaviest I have been in my entire life. Not where I want to be.

Totally Missing...

My Bella Bug and her baby brother. Even though I have never met Wyatt, I still love him to pieces. But my BellaBug will always hold a special place in my heart.

She has turned into a little human. I am not ready for her to grow up.

 He is just so adorable!! I cannot wait to meet him!

I miss these two to pieces!!! TT Jess loves you guys!

Working Out Post

So I have gotten back into working out. Everyday. Been taking my hydroxycut everyday. Let's see how long it takes for it to take to start showing. Any bets? Takers?

Happy 1 Year Anniversary

Today marks the 1 year anniversary that Chris asked me to be his girlfriend. We differ on this subject because things were going down way before then, but that's when he made it official. Why the hell did I stick around this long. Who knows! Te he he. I love him though so I guess that's all that matters.

Love Quotes From Old Livejournal's

You know you are in love when all you can think about is that one special person and you cant stand to be away from them for more than once second and miss them even though they're standing right next to you. You fall asleep thinking about them and dream about them every night.

Love isn't finding the perfect person, its finding the imperfect person and seeing how they are perfect.

If I had a rose for every time I thought about you, I would be walking in a garden forever.

I could search my life through and through and never find another you.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Who cares what color the flowers is as long as its form you.

Love - A wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and lips to pucker.

Loving you is like breathing. How can I stop?

Every time I have a dream about you, I stay asleep so that I may keep wishing that this dream might come true.

831
8 letters
3 words
1 meaning.
I love you and I have a million reasons why.

Went to bed thinking of you. Woke up thinking of you. Went to work thinking of you and now im sitting here thinking of you.

Love isn't being perfect. Its learning to look past the imperfections.

I don't want to be number one cause that means there's a second and a third. I wanna be the only one.

You came into my life, sent down from heaven. And now I think about you twenty-four seven,

If I were a tear in your eye, I would run down your cheek and die on your lips. If you were a tear in my eye, I would never cry in fear of losing you.

Everyone says you can only fall in love once. But that's not true. Every time I hear your voice I fall in love all over again.

Love is like the wind. I cant see it, but I can feel it.

Give me a kiss, give me your world, give me your heart and i'll be your girl. give me your smile, give me your time, give me your love and I'll give you mine.

To the world you're just one person. But to one person you could mean the world.

I love you. I always will. Your sweet kisses and hugs. my heart they fill. you mean the world to me and much much more. I'd even give my life for you. The one I adore. I know we'll be together forever. We were mean to to be. For you to be with only me.

You are my guy. You are the blue in the sky. You are the twinkle in my eye and my love for you will never die.

All my life I didn't expect someone like you and now my life's on top and its actually really true. Knowing you makes life all the better. Life is now best and that's cause were together.

You know you're in love when you think about someone more than you think about yourself.

Me and you could make the entire world jealous.

I wanna be the girl you point to and say 'That's her.'

I lost all train of thought when your eyes met mine.

I hope your lips taste of me forever.

Nothing can break this feeling.

You're the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me.

Love is giving someone the chance to destroy you and trusting them not too.

Lets spend forever together.

God only knows what I'd be without you.

I love you more than you'll ever know!

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

You are my last first kiss.

I wanna dance with you in the rain.

You are the first screen name I look for when I sign on.

You're kiss is on my list of things I cant resist!

I knew at first glance that I loved you!

We're only young once so lets mess this right!

I don't think you realize how easily you make me smile!

He has no idea how crazy I am about him!

I'm melting in your eyes!

You haven't really lived until you've met someone worth dying for!

I think you are a little more than amazing!

It was you I was thinking of!

When I'm older...& my little girl asks me "Who was your first love?" I can smile and say..."He is sitting right over there!"

I can't even begin to explain how you're my everything!

She'll never admit it but your the one that's always on her mind!

No One can make me smile the way you do!

Why do you have to be so wonderful?

All I need is everything you are!

Runaway with me...

Our love is so beautiful!

Love me for my flaws ..hate me for my perfections!

I'm falling into memories of you!

Somehow I met you & I never looked back!

You can never say I love you too many times!

I may not be the prettiest, smartest, or the richest girl, but I am the luckiest because I got you!

So there's this boy & he kinda has my heart!

I love you infinity plus one!

Just when I thought I ran out of reasons to smile, you came along!

A girl and guy can be just friends but at one point they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily. Maybe at the wrong time. Maybe to late. Or Maybe forever!

I wanna see the sunrise with you!

He's my knight in shinning armor!

I don't want to be your whole life, just your favorite part!

Every moment spent with you, is a moment I treasure!

I wanna spend forever in your arms!

I sleep in your shirt cause it feels like you!

We've fallen In love. It was the best idea I ever had!

You're the missing piece to the puzzle of my heart

Kiss me in your living room!

And in case you were wondering you are everything to me!

You will be the answer when someone ask me what I am thinking about!

I close my eyes and all I see is you!

There is something about you I cant get out of my head!

I'd do anything just to fall asleep with you!

You are my only one!

You are my happy ending!

Finally found what I've been looking for!

Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, life gives us a fairy tale

Epic Fail

AJ Allmendinger has been suspended indefinitely after a second sample from a drug test collected earlier this month violated the league's substance abuse policy, according to NASCAR.

The driver of the No. 22 car at Penske Racing will next receive a letter from NASCAR outlining the terms and conditions of potential reinstatement. If Allmendinger chooses to participate, the following step would be further medical examination or treatment, according to NASCAR's Road to Recovery program.

NASCAR did not reveal the substance for which Allmendinger tested positive, citing the privacy of the individual involved. The testing of the "B" sample was conducted Tuesday at Aegis Sciences Corp. in Nashville, Tenn., which administers NASCAR's substance-abuse program. Allmendinger had a toxicologist of his own present for the test.

"This was not the news we wanted to hear and we will work to get to the source of what may have caused this," Tara Ragan, Allmendinger's business manager said in a statement. "To that end, we have secured the services of an independent lab to conduct thorough testing on every product within AJ's home and motor coach to find what might collaborate with his test, which created results that were within nanograms of accepted standards. We are working closely with NASCAR and Penske Racing to identify the next action steps in this process. We continue to be extremely grateful by the breadth and scope of support for AJ from his fans and partners. We would like to again thank NASCAR, Penske Racing and all our sponsor partners for the open communication, and for helping us at every step in this process. We expect to have further updates in the upcoming days."

Sam Hornish Jr. will continue to drive the No. 22 while Allmendinger is suspended.

"We respect NASCAR's policy and the process they have taken with this matter," the Penske team said in a statement. "Penske Racing is very disappointed with the result of the 'B' sample test and will evaluate its course of action as it pertains to AJ over the coming week. Sam Hornish Jr., will drive the No. 22 Dodge Charger this weekend at Indianapolis and next weekend at Pocono."

NASCAR announced July 7 that Allmendinger's "A" sample from a random drug test conducted the previous weekend at Kentucky had violated the substance-abuse policy, and the driver had been suspended temporarily. Hornish, a regular competitor for Penske in the Nationwide Series, was flown back from Charlotte to race in that night's event at Daytona International Speedway, and also competed last week at New Hampshire in Allmendinger's usual No. 22 car.

On July 11, Ragan released a statement saying the driver had tested positive for a "stimulant." She added that Allmendinger was uncertain as to what could have led to the positive test, and that he was attempting to determine if it could have been inadvertently triggered by his consumption of an over-the-counter product.

What The Flying Fuck

Ok my deal loyal blog followers, this blog is going to be one of those that I will fucking rant to the high heavens without mentioning any names but I am sure that people will know who I am talking about.

DONT EVER  ask to come down here again just because you need someone to buy you alcohol. Get someone up there to do it. You come down, we buy you alcohol, you drink and be a bitch and then you fucking split while everyone is asleep. What kind of coward move is that? That's some shady shit. You didn't stay to help clean up the mess that YOU helped make. You are not allowed to come back down here. Don't show up. There is no where here for you to stay. And frankly, after the last few times you came down here you were flirting with MY BOYFRIEND, I am done with that shady shit. None of us want you down here. No one is impressed with you. Just talking about you, my blood is boiling. I woke up in a good mood, even though I didn't feel good, then Chris comes up stairs and tell me that you left hella early this morning, that was the last straw. Fuck off.

Thanks for reading guys! <3 you!

Aurora, Colorado Theatre Massacre

Updated at 5:45 p.m. ET: A graduate student with dyed red or orange hair who told police he was the Joker opened fire in a theater showing the premiere of the latest Batman movie near Denver early Friday, killing 12 people and wounding 59 others, many of them seriously, a law enforcement official told NBC News.

The official, speaking on condition of anonymity, confirmed reports that the suspect, identified as James Eagan Holmes, 24, told police in Aurora, Colo., that he was the Joker, a reference to one of the most prominent villains in the Batman canon.

The source told NBC News that the suspect had dyed his hair red or orange, which isn't typically associated with the green-haired Joker character. The character also doesn't appear in the newest movie, "The Dark Knight Rises," one of the most eagerly awaited films of the year.

Holmes also told police that his apartment had been booby-trapped. When investigators arrived, they peered in through a window from a hook-and-ladder truck and discovered numerous bottles containing an unknown liquid, fire officials said. The bottles were connected to wires.

"It's nothing I've ever seen before," said Aurora Police Chief Dan Oates, who said the area was evacuated and that police were expected to remain on the scene "for hours or days."
Authorities still hadn't entered the apartment late Friday afternoon. They were examining photographs of the scene to figure out how to deal with the materials.

Holmes, a graduate student from San Diego who was in the process of withdrawing from the neuroscience program at University of Colorado-Denver medical school, put up no resistance when he was arrested in a parking lot at the theater, police said. He retained legal counsel and wasn't answering investigators' questions, police said.

"We are confident he acted alone," Oates said of Holmes, who was scheduled to appear in court Monday morning to face unspecified charges. Authorities refused to speculate on his possible motive.
The victims, who were being treated in six hospitals, included a 6-year-old child. A 4-month-old baby also was treated and released. The oldest reported patient was 45.

One of those killed was Jessica Ghawi, a sportswriter who survived a June 2 mass shooting at a mall in Toronto in which two people were killed and seven others were injured. Ghawi blogged under the name Jessica Redfield.

Defense officials told NBC News that a sailor at Buckley Air Force Base in Aurora was missing and presumed to have been killed. A second sailor and two airmen from Buckley were also shot. Their identities and conditions weren't available.

Authorities said the gunman appeared at the front of the theater at 12:39 a.m., about 20 minutes into the film, and released two canisters of gas. Witnesses told reporters that the gunfire erupted during a shootout scene. Authorities responded within a minute and a half, Oates said.

'Mass chaos'
"It was mass chaos," witness Jennifer Seeger told TODAY. The gunman shot the ceiling and then "he threw in the gas can, and then I knew it was real."

Witnesses said the gunman entered the Century 16 Movie Theaters at Aurora Town Center through an emergency exit door. But a federal law enforcement official told The Associated Press that the suspect bought a ticket and went in as part of the crowd. He is believed to have propped open an exit door as the movie was playing, the official said.

Aurora is a suburb less than 10 miles east of downtown Denver and just 15 miles northeast of Littleton, scene what had been the worst mass shooting in Colorado: the Columbine High School massacre on April 20, 1999, when two gunmen killed 12 fellow students and a teacher and wounded 26 other people before killing themselves.

The suspect was found in possession of a helmet, a gas mask, a tactical vest, throat and groin protectors and black tactical gloves, authorities said.

Oates said the gunman had four weapons: two 40-caliber Glock handguns, a Remington 870 single-barrel pump shotgun and a Smith & Wesson AR-15 assault-style rifle. Three of the weapons were found in the suspect's white Hyundai parked at the back entrance to the theater; one of the handguns was found in the theater.

Law enforcement officials told NBC News that the weapons were legally bought from local stores of two national chains — Gander Mountain Guns and Bass Pro Shop — beginning in May.

Oates didn't say what kind of magazines were used, but he said "many, many rounds were fired." Some rounds penetrated an adjoining theater and injured at least one person, he said.

James Yacone, the FBI's agent in charge in Denver, said there was no early indication of a link to terrorism. Holmes wasn't on any federal law enforcement watch lists, authorities told NBC News, and Oates said he had no police record beyond a speeding ticket last year.

In his apartment rental application early last year, Holmes described himself as a "quiet and easy-going" student. A pharmacy student who lives in the building, which is reserved for students, faculty and staff of the medical campus, said he kept to himself.

"No one knew him. No one," the man, who asked to be identified only as "Ben," told The Denver Post.


The University of California-Riverside confirmed that a man named James Holmes graduated from the university with a degree in neuroscience in 2010. His last known address was in San Diego, it said.

'Pain and grief ... too intense for words'Gov. John Hickenlooper said at a news conference that "our hearts are broken as we think of the friends and family of the victims of this senseless tragedy." He called the shootings "the act of an apparently very deranged mind."

"The pain and grief (are) too intense for words, but we can't let it keep us from our lives," Hickenlooper said. "We are going to come back stronger from this, but it is obviously going to be a very long process."

President Barack Obama cut short a campaign visit to Florida to return to Washington ahead of schedule.
He called for reflection after the attack. "There are going to be other days for politics," Obama said during an abbreviated appearance in Fort Myers, where he led a moment of silence on behalf of the victims and their families.

At a campaign appearance in Bow, N.H., Republican presidential challenger Mitt Romney said: "Today is to remember and reach out and remember our blessings in life. Each of us will hold family close and spend a little less time thinking about worries of day and helping those in need of compassion."

'We need to go'Moviegoers described scenes of chaos and terror inside the movie theater.

Tanner Coon, 17, describes seeing flashes of gunfire, which he thought were fireworks, amid the chaos of trying to escape the shooting as he was "trying to calm" his friend's 12-year-old brother.

Tanner Coon, who was in the theater with a friend and the friend's 12-year-old brother when the shooter came in, said he told them to "get down" when he heard the gunshots.

The shooter fired off about 20 rounds and there was then a pause and a "period of quietness when everybody started running out," Coon said.

"I slipped on some blood and landed on a lady. I shook her and said, 'We need to go.' There was no response, so I presume she was dead," Coon said.

At least three people had been treated for chemical exposure, KUSA reported.

Paris premiere canceledReviewers of "The Dark Knight Rises," the third installment of the Batman franchise, have noted its dark, anxiety-fueled themes, which reminded some of the atmosphere in the days after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. It had been one of the most eagerly awaited films of the year, and theaters around the world began showing it at 12:01 a.m. Friday.

Warner Bros. canceled the Paris premiere, which was scheduled for Friday evening.

"Warner Bros. and the filmmakers are deeply saddened to learn about this shocking incident. We extend our sincere sympathies to the families and loved ones of the victims at this tragic time," it said in a statement.

Chris Dodd, chairman of the Motion Picture Association of America, said in a statement:
            "We share the shock and sadness of everyone in the motion picture community at the news of this terrible event. We extend our prayers and deepest sympathies to the victims, their loved ones and all those affected by this tragedy."

I Miss My Amy

Ok. So I know she might read this so I am going to post it on here. Lol. For to love the blogging world.

AMY!!! I miss your face!! I miss my babies! You need to come visit soon. My birthday is a month away and even then I only get to see you and Andrew and not my Amanda Panda, Faithy, and my baby Matthew(even though he isn't a baby anymore). I hope you are keeping yoursf busy and keeping Andrew up in high spirits. Even though I think it's the other way around. Love you!

Drugs In Sports

I do not condone drugs in sports at all. Illegal ones that is. If a driver or player wants to take a vitiman or a supplement like calcium or iron, I believe they should. I have read an article from a NASCAR driver about how he doesn't believe that drivers should be aloud to take any medications, prescribed or non-prescribed. I do not agree. My response to him, ok fine. Drivers are not aloud to take supplements of any kind, then drivers should not be aloud to drink alcohol the 24 hours before the race. The person making these stupid statements about no supplements is someone who is all posting pictures of about drinking at the track and drinking with fans. Um... I would rather a driver take a vitiman and than get fucking hammered the night before and get into the car. Dummy!

Bad Day

Today has been just a bad day. Chris called and said that he is going to have to work until 2AM. Great. Now I am in this big ass house and nothing to do. Chris has my car. Oh well. We are house sitting Alex's house because him and his mother went to see his brother graduate from the Navy. BTW, Congrats Aaron! We are all very proud of you.

Lately, I have been missing home a lot. My friends. My bed. My house. I hate to say it, even my dad. It's good that I moved out and got out of there but I think it's finally hitting me that I don't live there anymore. Oh well. Guess I have to grow up sometime. Being an adult blows monkey balls.

Still looking for a job. Nothing has been coming through and I have been applying like crazy. I have been out of a job for almost a year. I never thought I would be in a situation like this. I need to get a job so I can pitch in on a house around here for Chris, Alex and I. It would be nice to get all my stuff from my house and bring it down here. Even if I have to put it in storage. I also have a few other bills I need to pay off. Capital One is almost done. I need to make a dent in my Bank of America and then I have a few medical bills that need to be paid. I am determined to get my credit score up. I am in need of a new car sometime very soon. My putt putt is going to die. I can feel it.

So I don't know if I posted about this or not, but I starting taking Hydroxycut to help me start losing weight. I take 2 in the morning and I am supposed to take 2 at night. I can take them in the morning just fine but at night them seem to make me sick. So I stopped taking them then. I have lost 3 lbs. Now I need to get my ass in gear and start working out and I will be where I am want to be in no time. Even though I am going to have to do it mostly by myself because Chris works funky hours, I can still do it. Just need to motivate myself. We were looking into a gym that is month to month and only like $20 a month. We might have to go check it out. I need to do something.

I got a new tattoo. I added it to my cherries, which I got as my 4th tattoo. It's pretty cool. Kind of hard to explain. So when I get to my own computer(I am on Alex's computer) I will post a picture. It's not completely done yet. I have to do in for a touch up and the white in a few weeks and then it will be done. I am up to 7 now. I think it's time for a break. Lol. I have to figure out how to cover them all up on my birthday. I know my dad won't say anything in front of people, but my uncle on the other hand, will put me on blast. Haha. Oh well.

I have been kind of in a funky mood lately. I don't know why. Sometimes its good and sometimes it bad. I have been in the Wedding mood lately. I don't know whether it's because I want to get married or if I am just interested in the wedding aspect of life. I love looking up wedding stuff on Pinterest and on google. I have no life. Lol.

Well I guess this is the long post that I needed to get out of my system. Off to find something else to do to pass the time.

Bed of my Chevy Lyrics by Justin Moore

We can pop a top on a bottle of boons.
Grab a front row seat to a big full moon.
Kick back and listen to the crickets in the field.
Find a star we can call our own.
Watch the lightning bugs dance 'til they're gone.
Light a fire of passion and lay real still.

In the bed of my Chevy on the out skirts of town,
we can dance standin' up or lay a blanket down.
I can show you how much I love you if you'll let me.
Make a memory we'll never forget.
Whisper little words i've never said.
I'll pull you close when it gets hot and heavy.
In the bed of my Chevy.

We can slide off your boots down to your bare feet.
Those cut offs and tan lines are killin' me.
Move on over, lay your head on my shoulder, we'll stay a while.
Steal a little kiss as the whiperwill, sing to the trees with a southern feel.
We can sit on the tailgate and wait till it feels ight.

In the bed of my Chevy on the out skirts of town,
we can dance standin' up or lay a blanket down.
I can show you how much I love you if you'll let me.
Make a memory we'll never forget.
Whisper little words i've never said.
I'll pull you close when it gets hot and heavy. In the bed of my Chevy.

In the bed of my Chevy on the out skirts of town,
we can dance standin' up or lay a blanket down.
I can show you how much I love you if you'll let me.
Make a memory we'll never forget.
Whisper little words i've never said.
I'll pull you close when it gets hot and heavy.
In the bed of my Chevy.

Trying Something New

I know a lot of people have told me horrible things about Hydroxy Cut but I think I am going to give it a try. I cannot seem to get my BMI down on my own so I am going to try a little help. I have been reading tips about Hydroxy Cut. After 5 days you are supposed to take 3 pills 3 times a day. If that makes you jittery, continue taking 2 pills 2 times a day. We will see what happens. I do not want to look fat in a bathing suit on my birthday.

BTW, invitations are going out sometime next month. Be on the look out.

Dear Matthew,

       I cannot believe it's been 7 years since this picture was taken. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was getting my diploma and you were there to give me the biggest hug and tell me how proud you were of me. And now, today, June 14, 2012, you are in those shoes. You are graduating high school. Even though I am not there to see you cross that stage, I want you to know that I am so very proud of you. I am so proud of who you have become and how hard you have worked. I have known you for 10 years. I have seen you grow up. I have seen your ups and your downs. You have been through a lot in life and that has only made you stronger. I feel like a big baby cause I am ballin' my eyes out right now. I cannot express how PROUD of you I am. I know your dad would be proud of you if he could see you today. I love you little brother and just remember that I will always be there for you.

               Congrats to my Pittsburg High Class of 2012 Graduate

                                                                              Love Me!!!

Things Aren't Going So Good

Things are not going good at all. We might have to put my dog of 13 years, down. His hips are getting back and he can barely get up now. I feel so bad. I am not sure if I want to go say my good byes because it's going to be hard. I want to remember all the good times and not the final time I see him. This shit is hard. I hate loosing a dog. I remember the day we picked him up from the pound. He was sitting all alone in the corner and I knew that he was the one I wanted. My dad wanted to name him Icon. But when we brought him in the house the first thing he did was run into the wall. I knew right then and there his name would be NASCAR. Well my next post might be a sad one. My dad took him to the vet today to have him checked out. We shall she what happens...

A Big Change

So today, I had a bit of a scare. I went to the doctor today and found out I am pre-hypertensive. It was a huge shock. It's something that if not treated or brought under control, it can kill me. We are going to try and curve it with what they call the "Dash diet". People at my age should not have hyper tension. It's not good at all. I have to watch what I eat, exercise more among other things. It's a big eye opener. Today starts a new way of life.

My Motivational Quotes For Working Out [to be updated]

It takes 4 weeks for you to see your body changing. It takes 8 weeks for your family and friends and it takes 12 weeks for the rest of the world. KEEP GOING!!

One pound at a time!

Girls who are naturally skinny are lucky but the girls who have had to fight to be skinny are strong.

Skinny is not sexy. Healthy is!

Running cheaper than therapy.

Don't throw away all of yesterdays progress today.

Train insane or remain the same!

I AM FAT! No, I am not. I just have fat. My weight does not define me.

Every day is a step closer.

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become words. Keep your words positive because words become behavior. Keep your behavior positive because behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.

You can't just put in the time. You have to put in the effort.

Don't stop until your proud.

Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction!

PASSION!! Pushing yourself when no one else is around.

Strong is the new skinny!

If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse.

Kick higher! Push longer! Run faster! Make it to the finish line and keep going. You can do this!

Make your supporters proud and your haters jealous!

When you work out, your problems diminish and your confidence grows.

A workout is a personal triumph over laziness and procrastination.

Don't just talk about it. Be about it.

Transformation is not 5 minutes from now; it's a present activity. In this moment you can make a different choice, and its these small choices and successes that build up over time to help cultivate a healthy self-image and self-esteem.

Every journey begins with a single step, but you'll never finish if you don't start.

The body achieves what the mind believes.

There are no "tricks". There is only working hard, eating right, and knowing that you can do whatever you decide to do.

It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be worth it.

The voice that says you can't do it, is a lying slut.

Don't be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.

Working out doesn't have to be a chore. Have fun with it.

I'd rather feel sore tomorrow than sorry.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it.

The voice in your head that says that you cant do this is a liar.

Fit is not a destination. It's a way of life.

Changing who I am, one rep at a time.

You've got to work for it. Stop wishing and start doing.

Unless you puke, faint or die, keep going.

Three 'C' of life. Choices. Chances. Changes. You must make the choice to take a chance of your life will never change.

Prove if to everyone who said you couldn't do it.

You can do more. You can always do more.

There are 2 choices: Make progress or make excuses.

Skinny girls look good in clothes. Fit girls look good NAKED!

I want to lose weight. I want to gain self control. I want to be healthy. I want to be skinny. I want abs. I want to be sexy. I will do this. I will succeed. I will conquer.

If you still look pretty afterward, you didn't do it right.

Imagine yourself, a year from now with the body you've always wanted. All your hard work finally paying off. Exercise, eat healthy and stay positive.

I'm sore! I'm Tired! It's Sunday! I'm too busy! It's boring! I'm too fat! I'm thin! Jersey Shore is on! I'll do it tomorrow! Stop making excuses and get off your ass!

Success is my only option. Failures not!

I'm tired of looking like this!

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

No one can defeat me unless I first defeat myself.

It doesn't get easier. You get stronger.

If you cheat, you're only cheating yourself.

Motivation is what gets you going. Habit is what keeps you going.

At first you feel like dying, but then you feel reborn.

CARPE DIEM!!!

When you exercise, wear all black. It's like a funeral for your fat!

If you aren't sweating, you aren't doing it right.

To see what you are made of.

Because who doesn't want to feel better.

RESPECT YOUR BODY!

Because I demand more from myself than anyone could ever expect.

To be able to run double digits.

Because I am committed.

All the pain you go through is just pain leaving your body.

Strength from the outside comes from the strength from the inside.

Push yourself beyond your limits.

Focus on what motivates you!

Sweat is your fat crying.

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.

Do it for the body! For the confidence! For the pride! To look back and say never again! But most importantly... Do it for yourself!

I never regret it when I do it. I regret when I don't do it!

Want something? Work for it! No one has ever drowned in sweat!

Your strength shouldn't be a waste basket.

No matter how slow you are, you are still lapping everyone on the couch.

Don't complain about being fat if you're not going to do anything about it.

Stop competing with others and start competing with yourself.

No, your legs aren't that tired. Yes, you can still breathe! KEEP GOING!

The stronger you are, the better you feel.

You don't always get what you ask for but you always get what you work for.

Limitations only exist if you let them.

If you aren't working towards it, than maybe you don't deserve it.

The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to do, instead of how far they've gotten.

Train like there's no finish line.

IGNORE JUNK FOOD!

You are whoever you want to be. you just have to decide to be it.

The only one who can tell you "you can't" is you. And you don't have to listen.

I'm doing this for confidence, strength, the feeling after a workout, gratitude, health, pride, control, happiness.... ME!

Believe you can and you will.

When your legs get tired, run with your heart.

Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.

The pain of discipline is far less than the pain of regret.

I refuse to give up on myself.

You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way.

Strong is what happens when you run out of weak.

Food is not the enemy. Unhealthy food is the enemy. Get it right.

There is nothing wrong with being an exersice-aholic.

To not be remembered as the fat one.

To give your body the respect you would give your mother.

Look food and feel good.

Because at first they'll ask you why you're doing it, but then they'll ask you how you did it.

To show that I haven't given up on myself.

Pain is temporary! Quitting is forever!

Because it's not a complete day if you don't work out.

To be an example for my family.

To show men that women can do it as well.

To live better, not just longer.

I am my own biggest competitor, critic and most importantly, supporter.

So I can beat the treadmills ass.

For the feeling when you tell people how much you've worked out today.

To beat your boyfriend in a push-up competition.

I've had enough rest days to last a lifetime.

To do amazing things with my body.

To have a better 6 pack than the boys

I don't want to be average.

This is my last time doing it for the first time.

Because I am committed.

I feel the prettiest and strongest after a long, hard workout.

Because why the hell no?

Look good! Feel good!

So no one can tell me I'm not dedicated.

Today is my tomorrow. It's up to me to shape it, to take control and seize every opportunity. The power is in the choices I make each day. I eat well, I live well, I shape me.

Sacrifice is giving up on something good for something better.

We cannot do everything at once but we can do something at once.

Push yourself. you're not going to get results by just talking about your need to workout and be healthy. You actually have to get off your butt and do it.

Expect the best, be prepared for the worst. Fuck what others think and do your own thing.

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.

Find a way to make one.

New New New

So I am thinking that I want to do something new to my hair again. I was thinking about something like this...

I thought this was super cute when I saw it. I asked around and everyone seems to like it. So I thinking it's a go. I just have to find the cheapest place to do it. A friend of mine who is almost finished with her training at the Paul Mitchell school said it would be like $100. That's not bad. I have a few other places out there I have asked that I am waiting to hear back from.

On bigger news, I am proud to announce....

Wyatt Damon Nikolakakis
Born: May 19, 2012
3:57am
6 lbs. 12 oz.
19 inches long.

He is just so adorable. His name was going to be Bentley (which I thought was and still is so much cuter than Wyatt) but his father threw a bitch fit. Even though he wasn't even there to help her pick out a name he went home to sleep. But whatever. I love him still. He is adorable.

Oh Fuck Do I Need To Vent

So a friend of my have birth to a beautiful baby boy this morning. The asshole of a dad stayed for the birthday and long enough to find out he was the father and then he left to go home and sleep. She waited around for a bit to decide on a name but he never came back. So she decided on the name Bentley Damon Nikolkakis. I posted on my Facebook page "Happy Birth Day Baby Bentley. Auntie can't wait to meet you." He decided to comment that it's only baby nikolakakis. His son's name is NOT Bentley.

Dude.. What the fuck? Don't jump down my throat because you don't like the name. I posted the name I was told. Fuck you asshole. I like the name and so does everyone else. So go fuck yourself.

Sorry For Being MIA

Sorry blog followers. I haven't been in the mood to blog lately. Some things have happened that have really brought me down to a place I didn't want to be. Not having a job and not being able to get one has been really on my mind lately. I hate not doing anything and sitting on my ass all day. But I thought things were starting to look up when Mills College was interested in having me attend their school. So I sent them everything they needed. Transcripts. Teacher Recommendations. Application. Financial Aid forms. Things were looking really good. I thought for sure I was going to get in because they came after me and not me going after them. Boy was I wrong. They denied my application but couldn't give me a straight reason. I am still a little devastated. I thought my life was finally starting to get on track but I can see that's not going to happen any time soon. I try to get my mind off of it, but it always seems to come back into my mind. What do I have to do to get my life going the right direction? Most of my fellow classmates from high school are all graduating College and some are even already in Master's Programs and I am still paddling around in Community College. It's like a slap in the face. Where did my life start going in the wrong direction? Was I still in high school? Before that? Recently? I just don't know.

Motivation To Losing 26 lbs Week 1

So I am posting 7 motivational quotes a week to keep me going. I am trying to eat healthier, but everyone who knows me knows I like food. It's going to take time and determination but I think I am ready for it. I have had a kick in the butt my a picture that was posted of someone close to me who used to be a bit on the larger side and posted a picture of herself in a bikini and it got me to think that used to be me and it will be me again. LORD please give me the strength to keep going.



"It takes 4 weeks for you to see your body changing. It takes 8 weeks for family and friends and it takes 12 weeks for the rest of the world. KEEP GOING!"

"One pound at a time!"

"Girls who are naturally skinny are lucky but the girls who have had to fight to be skinny are strong."

"Skinny is not sexy. Healthy is."

"Running is cheaper than therapy."

"Don't throw away all of yesterdays progress today."

"Train insane or remain the same."