Amazed By Him

So the other night, as I am just laying in his bed with him, relaxing and falling asleep he decides that he is in the mood to listen to come music while he cuddle. The first song he plays I have never heard of but that didn't bug my cause I was in his arms and nothing could be better. And then I spoke too soon. He put on George Strait's Cross My Heart. He let it play as he just held me and sang every word in my ear. It was amazing. I loved it. Just thinking about it now I have a huge smile on my face. I really think I am falling in love with this kid. :-)


Cross My Heart Lyrics

Our love is unconditional, we knew it from the start.
I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from my heart.
From here on after let's stay the way we are right now,
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow.

I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.

You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete,
And as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet.
As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see,
So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be.

I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.

And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm,
You've got the promise of my love to keep you warm.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine,
A love as true as mine.

That song will never have the same meaning ever again. I have been sitting on my computer for 2 hours with that song on repeat and doing different things around my room and I know I have been smiling and it has never left my face. This feeling is amazing.

Thank God That's Over

I am so glad Christmas is over and this year is almost. I want to start a new year fresh. No one to hold me back. I want to be me and please no one but myself.

Tomorrow is Christmas

And I really don't have any Christmas spirit. I'm not sure if it has to do with this is the first holiday without Jeff or is it's just because I'm getting too old for Christmas. I don't it's because it's my first holiday without Jeff. I'm over that shit. I am happy with my life now. There are presents under the tree and Christmas music on and all I want to do it turn it off, take down the tree and move on to next year. Maybe it's cause I'm ready to move forward in my life. I wont be by myself I have a really cool guy that's really into me, well I think he is, and some awesome friends. I am so happy to start the New Year with a fresh start. It's about time. I have been talking to a few friends and they think it's time for a new start. Try new things and just go back to being me. I would have to agree. I like the old me and not the me I have become over the past 4 years. I think that even my family is happy to have my back. I want to go back to being the old me with a few new twist. We will see what the New Years has in store for me.

Him

Why is it that no matter how bad of a day I am having or how much I really could care less if I was alive, he can always make me smile no matter what? It's crazy. I have only known him for a little over a month and I feel like I have known him so much longer. He gets me and why I do things. He even can describe my facial expressions over the phone when I get frustrated with him. I have never had anyone around that could do that. That smile of his could brighten up my day on the worst day of my life. He has this one cute dimple on the right side that kills me every time I see it. He kisses my forehead and I instantly melt. He literally makes me go weak in the knees. Even Jeff couldn't do that. I know a lot of people say its way to early for me to jump into a serious relationship and I know they are right but there is just something about this guy that I can't get out of my head. Every time his name pops up on my phone I get all giggly and It's nice to know that feeling still exist. I lost a lot of feelings for Jeff over the years and forgot that some even still could make me happy until Jason came along. It's a feeling I can't even describe. Just writing this I am smiling like crazy.

Happy

Just wanted people to know that  I am happy. Things right now are awesome. Been talking with this really great guy that I really like. I am so tired of people asking me if I am ok and how am I doing? I am fine people. I promise. If I wasn't ok you would know. Trust me. I am so over feeling sorry for myself. I broke up with him for a reason and I have to deal with that. I am happy with my decision. I wasn't happy in that relationship. Why stay in something and with someone when I am not happy? Isn't that the point of being with someone? Because they make you happy? I thought so. At least that is what I was taught. This new guy is awesome. Really nice and sweet and treats me like I am an actual person and not someone that he made me out to be. I smile when I am around him and a lot of my friends already like him. Even a few said "It's about damn time". Haha. Gotta love those guys. I don't want to bring him around my dad and the rest of my family yet until that moment I know that he is someone that will be around for a while. He did get me an awesome gift for Christmas though. He got me a beautiful heart necklace. He must have figured out that I love hearts since every piece of jewelry I wear has hearts in it and so do both of my tattoos. Well it's almost time for my New Years resolutions. Be on the lookout!!!

Change Of Life

I cant remember if I posted it or not but Jeff and I are no longer together. I had to do it because one, I didnt want to move and two, I just wasnt happy anymore. Im at a time in my life when I should be experiencing new things and not being tired down. I just want to have fun and finish school and start and career. I have put it off long enough. My main focus in life now are my family and friends. I will always love Jeff no matter what but I needed this and I think he did too whether he wanted to admit it or not. Its time to mend old friendships and begin new ones. Its gonna be hard to love someone again but I know it will happpen. I can feel it. Im happy now and everyone says thats all that matter and I have to say that I agree. I need someone to make me smile, to treat me like I should be treated and that loves me for me and not the person they made me out to be.

The Hardest Thing

I had to do the hardest thing ever last night. I told Jeff that I didn't want to move to Placerville. I am just not ready to move yet. I'm not sure if I would ever want to move up there and be away from my family. What he doesn't realize is that if he moves up there he has family and friends, if I move up there I have no family and the friends up there aren't the ones I want. I want my best friends and my awesome-ist friend and my bowling friends. If I go there, they wont be there and that sucks. I am not ready to give that up. He looked completely broken up but he said everything would be ok. We would work through this and he didn't want to break up. I put everything out on the table. I told him if he gets a house down here I would move in with him in a heartbeat but I don't think that will ever happen. I'm not that lucky. I t hurt to bad to tell him but I couldn't hold it in anymore. He needed to know. This is a great way to start off the holiday season. We have our annual Christmas Extravaganza tomorrow evening and then Rob & Crystal's Christmas party next Saturday. We are busy busy people. Which is good cause it keeps my mind off of everything.

Well I'm gonna try and fight of the stupid flu and get better. I refuse to spend another holiday season sick.

Busy

Holy crap things are busy. I cant believe its almost christmas. It feels like the year just started. Work has been good and things at home have been getting better. Things with Jeff have been a little crazy lately but nothing we cant handle.