I Am In Need Of A Long Update

I haven't done a super long update in hell of long. I have been so busy with other things in life that I just don't blog as much anymore. So much for keeping up with my New Years resolutions. Ha. Things have been good and bad lately. The bad is things at my dad's house just seem to be getting worse. He is so ungrateful for everything I do there so I just don't do it anymore. I do a lot of him and it never gets acknowledged. It is so not worth it. In only a few short months, or even before will I be out of there and not have to live by his crazy ass rules. I am 24 years old and I am not aloud to have a boy in my room or have anyone over? What kind of crap is that. He brought up me paying rent and I told him that if I pay rent I should get to do as I please and he has to treat me like a renter. Which means I can have a guy stay over and I can come and go as I please without telling him where I am going. He told me No and that was not the way that was going to work. So I told him I was going to be paying rent if I wasn't going to be treated as a renter. I could move somewhere else and pay rent and do what I want. So that ended that one. I just was informed though that Willie and Danielle are moving out of Big Momma's today. Thank god. They will be gone. They are doing it on their own. Maybe us freezing them out made them realize that none of us want them here and they just need to get the fuck out of Ceres. Haha. So now after we get Momma moved in I can talk to her about moving in. That is after I get a job and school starts. I would love to live there. We get along great and she can come and go as she pleases as well as I. Everything seems to be going good for once for me. *Knock on Wood* I don't want to Jinx myself. School will be starting in January and I cannot wait. Hopefully I can get the classes I need and get finished with this stuff. I am so over being in school. I should be done by now but because of the way things have worked out I am way behind and no where near to being done. Ugh. Damn it. I need to be finish school NOW. I don't know how many jobs I have applied for and head nothing back. I need a job fast. I want money to pay for bills and to buy things I want. Please job fairy... lead a job to me so I can be a big girl. Chris and I hit a few rough patches but after talking about it we seem to be doing good. There are a few things that still bug me but I need to remember that he is younger than me and I just need to get used to it if I want to be with him. I do want to be with him. He makes me happy... sometimes. Haha. I'm just kidding. We will be together for 2 months next week. I don't know whether time is going by fast or slow cause it seems like it has been so much longer than 2 months. Hmm...

I Can Only Imagine...

How Amy is feeling right now. It is less than a month until her wedding and helping her with the things that need to be done is getting stressful because we don't get a whole lot of time to dwell on things. They have to be decided now. Wow. I know how it will be when planning my own wedding. There are centerpieces, flowers, colors, invitations, save the dates, the dresses, the suits, the place, the food, the music. Ahh. This is going to be a fast and complicated last few weeks. We have to finish with the wedding plans and I have to finish with the bachelorette party. It will be the day Amy can let loose and just have fun. She will make a beautiful bride. I am so happy I get to help her with what I can for the day she will remember for the rest of her life.

Oh Boy

People who have been on my ass about me blogging and such, guess what I dont give a fuck. I dont blog for the intention of other people reading it, I blog to vent. It's a place that I can vent and it doesn't talk back or try and give an opinion. People just need to grow up. My blog is my blog. If you don't like what is on here than guess what, don't read it.

Me & My Dillon

He is such a happy baby

No Surprises Here

Well hello blog. Its been a while. There have been a few things going through my head that I need to get off my chest.

So Noah (and yes I am putting your name on blast). You are pushed out of shape that Amy let Andrew take the kids on the back of his motorcycle for 100 feet with just their bike helmets on, but let me remind you, you lost a booster seat and stuck your youngest daughter, who is not tall enough or big enough to sit without a booster seat in the car, in the seat with a seatbealt that could potentially harm her if you were in an accident? I think going 65 on the freeway with her like that seriously surpasses Andrew taking them on the back of a motorcycle for a 100 feet going maybe 10 miles per hour. Grow the fuck up dumbass and start looking out for your children.

Willie (again not afraid to put your dumbass on blast either), how did I know that when it was brought up that she wanted you out of the house you would come up with every excuse in the book for her to change her mind. Why are you fucking with her like that? She doesnt want you there and you need to get that through your head. Fucking move the fuck out and get out of our lives. If you have realized none of us want you here. They have all realized who you really are. Pathetic.

Ugh people really need to get lives and see how what they do are messing with the lives of everyone around them. But both are way to fucking stupid to realize this.

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It's Been 10 Years

And I can still remember like it was yesterday. I remember waking up to my radio talking about the first plane hitting Tower 1 and that something had just hit the Pentagon. I remember thinking to myself "How can something big hit a shape??" Then it donned on me. Damn. I was glued to the TV until I had to leave for school. It was the second day of my freshman year of High School. We watched TV all day. Every class. Every event that was planned for that following weekend was cancelled so there was nothing else to do but watch in horror. I then learned that I was living history. Something that was going to be written in History books and talked about for the rest of time. Things will never be the same and the only thing we can do is move forward. I think about my friends who lost family members in the Towers and on Flight 93. I remember how it affected them for months and months after. I didn't know what to say or do. All I could do was be their shoulder to cry on. It's really sad when those 6 people I knew who were deeply affected by this tragedy, I haven't spoken to since then. It hurts my heart but I know they are moving forward in their own ways.

Ride For You Lyrics

Lately, I've been tryna fight whatever's pulling us under
it's got a hold and really making me wonder
what it takes to get through
I gotta stick with you, my baby
Baby tell me:
Maybe I'm foolishly overreacting
But being without you I can't imagine
It's just to close to the heart and
And I won't stand it if were broken apart

Do you hear me?
Baby ya gotta believe in the things that make you & me win together
Don't you throw in the towel
I'm keeping my promise to you I got ya back now
When the chips are down
It seems like it's so hard for you to move ahead
Just know that I am by your side
There aint no ifs, buts, or maybes,
I'm gonna stay down and ride for you baby

We've been cutting it close with the backwards & forwards
It's rocking the boat; we gotta get control of this
Let's take it back to three years ago
When you said that we could make it through whatever, ever
And to me it sounded like you meant forever, ever
Leaving was not an option, baby, never, never
Now don't you believe in a love that's worth a fight
In you is everything that I'm missing
So give us a chance

Do you hear me?
Baby ya gotta believe in the things that make you & me win together
Don't you throw in the towel
I'm keeping my promise to you I got ya back now
When the chips are down
It seems like it's so hard for you to move ahead
Just know that I am by your side
There aint no ifs, buts, or maybes,
I'm gonna stay down and ride for you baby 

Don't you dare tell me we gotta let it go...
We been on top for too long just to let it go under
I don't wanna hear that
I just can't hear that
and know
Wherever you wanna take me
I'll go
I been with you for too long to start over with another
I know that you hear me
Just tell me you hear me 

Frustrating

So we get into a discussion that has made me a little upset. I originally want to just leave like I always do and cool off. He didnt like that. I go on a walk to clear my head. I come back and he still wants to talk about it. I have always been the one who once I cool off it's done. Lets move on. He grew up in the kind of house where you yell, scream and get everything off your chest. Well thats not what I do and I feel like he expected me to handle it the way he always would. Thats not how I do things.

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Ugh

Confused. (That is all)

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Football Season

Football season is in full swing. Spent all of today in front of the tv watching College Football. I love this season. Got my season tickets to the UC Berkeley Bears football games. Its about to be an awesome season.

So lately things have been kind of weird. I think I have been putting up a wall with chris and sitting here while he is taking a nap before work tonight, I know why. I am putting up a wall because I know he will be leaving for the Army and I think my mind is thinking that if I put it up now it wont hurt as bad when he is gone. Which is not the case. The case is with myself putting up this so called "wall" I am pushing him away and making him angry. I dont want that at all. I know when it comes down to him leaving I am going to be able to handle it, but just the thought of it right now is freaking me out. He wont be here for lots of things. Depending on when he leaves he could miss our first Christmas together, our First New Years kiss, our first Valentine's day and maybe even our one year. Thinking about that stuff is what makes me sad.

I hope I have things to keep me busy while he is gone. I hope I get a better job, pay off my bills and finish at leave my AA degree and start on me Bachelor's degree. Maybe even have my own place so that when he comes home he can come stay with me. I think I am thinking a little bit too far in the future which is worst than just dreaming about what I want. I am trying to plan something that will probably not happen for a long ass time.

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