Football Season

Football season is in full swing. Spent all of today in front of the tv watching College Football. I love this season. Got my season tickets to the UC Berkeley Bears football games. Its about to be an awesome season.

So lately things have been kind of weird. I think I have been putting up a wall with chris and sitting here while he is taking a nap before work tonight, I know why. I am putting up a wall because I know he will be leaving for the Army and I think my mind is thinking that if I put it up now it wont hurt as bad when he is gone. Which is not the case. The case is with myself putting up this so called "wall" I am pushing him away and making him angry. I dont want that at all. I know when it comes down to him leaving I am going to be able to handle it, but just the thought of it right now is freaking me out. He wont be here for lots of things. Depending on when he leaves he could miss our first Christmas together, our First New Years kiss, our first Valentine's day and maybe even our one year. Thinking about that stuff is what makes me sad.

I hope I have things to keep me busy while he is gone. I hope I get a better job, pay off my bills and finish at leave my AA degree and start on me Bachelor's degree. Maybe even have my own place so that when he comes home he can come stay with me. I think I am thinking a little bit too far in the future which is worst than just dreaming about what I want. I am trying to plan something that will probably not happen for a long ass time.

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