Coming To Terms

So last week I found out I will have to have surgery on the lovely what started out as a bug bite spot on my ass. I have had it for almost 2 years. It was not properly handled in the beginning and now I an left with no other option but to have surgery.

The day I was told that I was going to have to have surgery was horrible. I am not going to lie. I walked to my car and sat there for 20 minutes and cried. That was the only thing that felt right in that moment. I've never had to have surgery before. I've never been under anesthesia before. I had just about everything that could possibly happen going through my mind at that point. I could die under the drugs. All the things that could go wrong with the surgery I thought of. I was just in a bad place. I didn't know how to handle anything.

I am not almost a week out after that dreadful appointment and my mind is finally coming to terms with this procedure. I am going to have surgery. There is no other way around it. I will be put under and cut open. Can't get around that either. It has to be done before it gets worse. For all I know it could be worse when they open me up. But I am not going to worry about it anymore. There is no reason to. It has to happen.

The recovery won't be easy but once it's over, its over. No more having to make couples purchases of tape and gauze. No more having to wonder if I brought all the necessary supplies with me when I travel. No more having to worry about it the skin broke open when I forget to bandage it up before I head out for the day. You have no idea how many times I've had a complete meltdown because I thought the skin broke open and I was bleeding every where. Trust me.... not fun.

I will be fine. It's a quick procedure. I will be in and out in no time. It's outpatient. I will get to go home that day and sleep in my own bed. I will have to adjust my lifestyle for the healing process but it's something that will have to be done. Lugging around a sweatshirt or blanket to sit on incase things get uncomfortable. Making sure I have plenty of the medical supplies I need to take care of my open wound(oh yes forgot to mention that. No stitching. It has to close from the inside out so I get to live with a gaping hole in my ass for 6-8 weeks).

Will it be worth it? Absolutely!