Cant Sleep

I really cannot wait to save up enough money to move out. I want to get out of my house. I am almost 24 years old. I think its about time I grow up and start doing things on my own. To be honest I really thought by now I would of been married and thinking about having a family. But obviously that wasnt supposed to happen yet. I dont know how I feel about marriage with Jason. It has been brought up but he is super against it so I think its in my mind that if I wanna stay with Jason I probably wont get married. I really have strong feelings for him so I guess I have made my choice. Im not even going to start thinking about kids anymore because he doesn't want kids and I am not finished with school but I am not sure that I want to finish school. I dont know what I want to be anymore. Im just getting burned out. I want to live my life for me. I always have someone on my back because I am not taking enough classes or I am spending too much time with Jason. I see him Thursday night and on the weekends. I dont see that as a lot. Maybe I am not that kind of person who is college material. I just dont know what to do anymore. Ive been super stressed out and have been taking it out on Jason and even though he says its ok and thats what he is here for I know that there is only so much he can take. I know he has been getting tired of me talking about the stuff going on with my dad cause I cant let it go. I need to learn to let it go. I have that problem that I keep dragging things on. Its so nice that I have a blog that I can put all this stuff on cause I dont want to bring it up with Jason because I dont know how it will blow over in the end. This new relationship stuff is so weird. Its still going to take some time to get used too and I have to build up that trust with myself again that not every guy is the same. I wake up every morning telling myself that today is going to be a better day and I am not going to let my insecurities about my past relationships ruin my new one. Maybe I am just destine to be alone the rest of my life. Who knows.

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