No Bueno

This is no good. I am beginning to think that mine and Jason's relationship is based off of sex. That seems like that's all we do and when we don't do it we are bored and barely talk. Maybe that's just me and I am paranoid. I hope it's just me. I really have strong feelings for him. More than I have had for anyone and I think a part of me is still scared. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to him about it? Do I just let it go and see where it goes. I didn't want a serious relationship when we started out but now I can't picture my life without him in it. What am I supposed to do? He told me when we first starting talking that he didn't want kids and that he didn't want to get married then about a week into it he said he could see himself marrying me and then he said "When we have kids" in a conversation so I took that has he totally caved in and one say we would have a family. But lately it's been I don't want kids and I can never see myself getting married? WTF? Are you taking it back or did you just tell me something that you knew I wanted to hear? I'm so lost and confused. I don't want to think that he is telling me things to make me feel good. I really hope he feels the way he says he does. I want him to be honest and not lie to me. Ahhh. I have so many thoughts going through my head. Good and bad. He was the first person to say 'I love you' and again I wonder if he told me he loved me because he thought that was what I wanted to hear. His mood changes form day to day. Some days its like he really cares and wants me around and then other days it's like he barely wants to talk to me. I wonder that if I didn't text him in the morning or text him during the day if he would even text or call me at all? I feel so lost when he isn't around. I love it when I am with him. My heart doesn't hurt. This feeling blows.

So today was my last day at the District Office. I got there at 8 and left at 945. I couldn't stand being there. I was still a little peeved at them for what they did. I was supposed to be there until March not January. Thanks guys.

I am supposed to go to Jason's aunt's house for dinner tonight. She called and asked him if we were even still together? Should I take this as a sign? He isn't known for keeping girls around that long. Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up yet. His longest relationship is only 2 1/2 months. As mine is 4 1/2 years. There is a big difference. Him an I are complete opposites as well. We have barely anything in common. Oh my god why do I keep dwelling on this. I need to let it go. I need to learn to just let things go and move it. It's never good for a relationship. Ok time to talk about something else...

I'm out of here!!!