Coming To Terms

So last week I found out I will have to have surgery on the lovely what started out as a bug bite spot on my ass. I have had it for almost 2 years. It was not properly handled in the beginning and now I an left with no other option but to have surgery.

The day I was told that I was going to have to have surgery was horrible. I am not going to lie. I walked to my car and sat there for 20 minutes and cried. That was the only thing that felt right in that moment. I've never had to have surgery before. I've never been under anesthesia before. I had just about everything that could possibly happen going through my mind at that point. I could die under the drugs. All the things that could go wrong with the surgery I thought of. I was just in a bad place. I didn't know how to handle anything.

I am not almost a week out after that dreadful appointment and my mind is finally coming to terms with this procedure. I am going to have surgery. There is no other way around it. I will be put under and cut open. Can't get around that either. It has to be done before it gets worse. For all I know it could be worse when they open me up. But I am not going to worry about it anymore. There is no reason to. It has to happen.

The recovery won't be easy but once it's over, its over. No more having to make couples purchases of tape and gauze. No more having to wonder if I brought all the necessary supplies with me when I travel. No more having to worry about it the skin broke open when I forget to bandage it up before I head out for the day. You have no idea how many times I've had a complete meltdown because I thought the skin broke open and I was bleeding every where. Trust me.... not fun.

I will be fine. It's a quick procedure. I will be in and out in no time. It's outpatient. I will get to go home that day and sleep in my own bed. I will have to adjust my lifestyle for the healing process but it's something that will have to be done. Lugging around a sweatshirt or blanket to sit on incase things get uncomfortable. Making sure I have plenty of the medical supplies I need to take care of my open wound(oh yes forgot to mention that. No stitching. It has to close from the inside out so I get to live with a gaping hole in my ass for 6-8 weeks).

Will it be worth it? Absolutely!

M.I.A.

Damn I hadn't realized it had been so long since I updated my blog. I know... I am a horrible blogger. Not that anyone actually reads this other than me. But's thats ok.

Where to begin....

I am well into my second semester at UC Merced and I hate every minute of it. I am barely staying afloat this semester. Taking 4 classes is a lot harder than 3. More homework, less time for everything else. The only nice thing is there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I see it. I will be there eventually. At least with this part of schooling. Then I have to get credentialed. That I am not looking forward too. Who knew that becoming a teacher would be so complicated.

In other news... I am going to have to have surgery on the 29th on March. The bug bite I got on my ass almost 2 years ago that a certain dermatologist never took care of properly has turned into an abscess in my fistula tract so now I have to go in and have it cleaned out. I am not as terrified as I was a few days ago when I went and saw the surgeon and she told me what was going to happen, but I am still freaking out. I've never had surgery before. I know it won't be that bad but I'm still scared shitless. Chris thinks I'm overreacting. I think he is being a dick. You can probably guess where this one is going. Ha.

Other than that I am still going crazy with the people I live with. Josh is home now from the Marines. He is out for good. Medically discharged. So we have been having to deal with that asshole. Let me tell you don't even let your kids become Marines. They won't teach them respect they will teach them to become bigger assholes than when they left. I've never been a fan of the Marines and they way Josh has been acting since joining is not helping their case. I'm just saying....

Well that is all I guess. I am sitting in my Polisci classroom waiting for class to start. So I will bid you farewell for now....

-J

School

Anyone that says College is easy is a bullshit liar. 

This shit is not easy. It's stressful and it flairs up my anxiety like you wouldn't believe. 

It's so bad I don't feel like I am enjoying it at all. 

First 2 Weeks Are Over

I cannot believe I have officially finished my first 2 weeks of school. Really it's more like a week and a half because the first week of school was only 3 days long but they call it a week so I call it a week.

It definitely isn't Community College or JC.  It's so fast paced. You better keep up. You fall behind that's on you. No help trying to get caught up. Damn. I makes me wish I was still at JC sometimes. Nah I'm ok off of that.


There is just a lot of work. A lot of reading and a lot of homework. They weren't kidding when they said to go to office hours. That's about the only time you can talk to the teacher one on one. The end the class and they are out the door faster than you are. It's hilarious.

It is a change that's for sure.

You Know What....

I think I am going to keep blogging on this blog.

I am not going to let people keep me from my passion. I tried having another blog but I always come back to this one.

It's where my heart and soul is.

I hope you enjoy reading this. Too bad you won't have anything to twist around like you used too.

Welcome to my life again folks. It's good to be back!

A Bit Overwhelmed

I feel like I am drowning in homework these days. Between speeches, and chapters beyond chapters to read, maps to create, videos to watch, workouts to do.... I feel like I do nothing else. I know it's probably a bit embellished but that's what it feels like. It's almost over... thank god.


BTW!
I got my second acceptance. Well my first acceptance without a contingency attacked. Thanks Sonoma State. You will be taken into great consideration!

Good Day

I feel like I've had a good day today. Woke up for the first time in forever without the urge to rip people's head off. It might be because a certain someone is living under the same roof anymore. Her stuff still is but we rarely see her anymore. I'm not arguing. The bathroom has stayed clean. The kitchen was still clean when I got up. It was nice.

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night buy I woke up feeling somewhat refreshed. I cleaned up the bedroom, made the bed for the first time in weeks. Even got the rest of the weeks blog post scheduled for my beauty blog.

Getting ready for class I was actually excited to go and workout. I give Lucy huge credit for that. I purchased her ''21 days to love your body" book. I think that's what it's called. Whatever it is it's made me feel better about myself just with reading the first couple of pages. I encourage anyone to check out Lucy. You can find her on instagram and twitter.

Well it's off to listen to some upbeat music and get ready to sweat my ass off.