Fuck This Shit

Seriously? Your husband is home. You spend every day with him, like you should. You stay with him every night. Great. But he is home now. Come get your fucking shit out of this damn house. Quit coming over here to use the shower and to eat because they don't feed you enough. I'm almost certain they make enough food just not for your fucking cow ass. Fucking get out of here. Get lost. We are all done with our shit.

I Don't Care Anymore

I honestly don't care anymore if people read what I write about on here. For the last 4 1/2 years I have kept to myself the way I feel about where I am living and not posting in on my blog but you know what, I don't care anymore. If you don't like what I have to say then fuck off.

I am so sick and tired of being fucking treated like a god damn maid who doesn't fucking matter. You leave your fucking messes around and not clean them up because you know eventually I will get sick and tired of walking over everything or not having a clean dish to use and I will clean up. Well not anymore. I will fucking continue to walk over your shit. I am not your god damn maid. If you want me to be one you better fucking pay me like one.

You know I am in school full time. You know that when I am not in classes I am mostly like doing homework. What do you do when I am doing that? You have the TV up to 60 so you can ignore your child(I'm not even going there on that one), or you are screaming and talking loud, or you are just being down right rude. Yet when you are doing something that you need some quiet time for you want the entire fucking house quiet. Well guess what, not anymore. I will not be giving you respect if you refuse to give me the same respect. Fuck that.

Mostly everyone in this house has fucking anger issues. You take something so minor and turn it into a world catastrophe. Why the fuck for? Do you think any really cares how you feel when you could give two shits on how they feel? Guess what, we don't. It's really sad when 5 of your own children would rather be thousands of miles away from then be near you. You wonder why family doesn't come visit anymore. Because you fucking treat them like shit.

I'm saying this now, when I get my degree and I move I will not be speaking to any of you for a while. I need to get the fuck away from your total and utter bull shit of a fucking life. I feel really bad for Nicholas because he doesn't know any better. But they way he is left to run this house, don't be surprised when he turns into the next high school shooter because you never tell him no and let him get away with everything.

I am so fucking done with all this shit. I really needed to win that lottery last week because it would of been the last time any of these fucking people heard from me.

Poof!

Not Myself

I have noticed I haven't been feeling myself lately. Im not going to say I'm depressed to the point where I should talk to someone, but I just don't feel like myself. Just really down on myself. I'm not sure what I can do to pull me out of this funk. I've stopped working out. I'm tired all the time(no I'm not pregnant). I just don't feel motivated to do anything. I feel so stressed out. I just hate feeling like this.

New Journey

Today I start a new journey. I've done a lot of research on this product and I figured I would give it a shot. I am talking about Fitmiss. It's a supplement company made just for women to aid in all kinds of things. Their moto is Be Fit. Be Lean. Be Healthy. Strong is the new sexy. I can live by that. I got a few products to try right now and if it goes will I will be purchasing more. I got the Burn supplement which boost energy and metabolism. It's also an appetite suppressant and also a mood balancer. I'm so for that. I know it's going to take a few days to kick in but I'm excited to see how things go. I also got the Z-Slim PM. I was all kinds of excited to see this and try it. It's a nighttime fat metabolizer and sleep aid. It's supposed to help create healthy sleeping patterns and also helps promote deep sleep. I'll give it a try. We all know I need to try and get better sleep. I've tried just about everything on the market. So I will try and do weekly updates on this. I doubt that will happen but hey it's worth a shot right.

Last Day Of Year 27

Today is my last day of being 27. Holy crap. I am climbing in age rather quickly. It seems like just yesterday I was turning 21 and I was so excited and now I am creeping in on my 30s. Life really go by in the blink of an eye. Well year 27 was a good year. Not great but some good things happened and some not so amazing things happened(mostly in the last week).

School is moving slowly and I am starting to submit transfer applications. Its such a surreal feeling. I remember starting out on this journey 10 long years ago. I know some people are way done with school by now but you know what I did it at my own pace and doing what I want to do and it's all paying out in the end.

Chris and I had our normal ups and downs, but what is new. Every relationship does. We just recently hit our 4 year anniversary. Yeah I know I have in the back of my mind of my 4 year max. I never seem to stay in a relationship longer than 4 years. I get bored. And yes things with Chris feeling 'settled' but maybe thats a good thing. I don't know what the next year hold for us but only time will tell.

My health is good. It didn't start out that well but it got better. Got the Flu really bad last summer and ended up being hospitalized for it. Not for very long but still. I hate being that sick. I don't normally get sick so when it hits, it hits hard.

My workout routine has stuck somewhat. I've lost some inches around my waist but I have cut way back on how many days I was working out because I was back in school for 7 weeks, 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. It was hard to keep up with working out and all the homework that was given. But the semester is over and I am waiting for my grade. Back to school next week for my last semester at JC. It's only 2 days a week though. So I will be ok.

Now for the bad...

Every one knows how close I am to the Millican family. Clay, NHRA drag racer, and his family is such an group of people. Last Wednesday night Dalton, Clay and Donna's youngest son, was killing in a single-person motorcycle accident. It was a shock and it hit really really close to home. With my dad and his motorcycle accident, it was just a rough day for me. I'm not gonna lie, I broke down and cried that morning. I just couldn't hold it in. Right now as I write this I am tearing up. I ask myself why? Why would you take someone who had such a bright future? Someone so young? 22? It just hurts and I cant imagine how Clay and Donna, and Cale feeling. Its so hard and we can't be there for them. He was laid to rest yesterday and from what I saw it was beautiful. So many people came out to show their love for D-Milli. And that ride... it gave me chills to watch. Fly High Dalton.... watch over your dad on the track. Maybe pull a few strings and bring home that first Wally.

All and all 27 wasn't such a rough year. I'm curious at what 28 will bring.

Summer Update

So as I have 8 classes left for the Summer semester I thought I would do a bit of a summer update.

Math class is actually going good. After 5 weeks I am still sitting at a Solid B. I'm proud of me. If you've known me for any length of time you would know that Math and I do not get along what so ever. We are not friends at all. But I'm still passing. So go me!

#2yearswithoutcory

730 days.... it doesn't feel that long. It seems like only yesterday I was sitting in a parking lot after a baseball game and the first tweets were coming in that we had lost Cory. I couldn't wrap my mind around. I was speechless for about 5 minutes before I ran through the parking lot to Chris who was walking back from the bathroom to tell him the news.

730 days.... and sometimes it still doesn't seem real. Some days iTunes just feels like it's a day to remember you. From "Jessie's Girl" to Lea's beautiful redition of "Make You Feel My Love". You are still every where and I am ok with that.

I love being reminded of your smile, your energy, and your look on life. Your demon won, but it will never define you.

We miss you!!!