Times Flies

In 5 days Chris and I will have been together officially for a month. Man it seems like it has been so much longer. Time flies when you are having fun I guess. Things have been great, but then again it's only the 1st month together. Things can change at any time. I hope they don't. He is amazing. He makes me laugh like no one ever could. I can never stay angry at him for more than like 30 seconds. All he has to do it look at me with those eyes and nuzzle into my neck and I melt. Every song that comes on the radio, I think of him. Gees, I'm attached. :)

As He Sleeps

I am sitting here as he sleeps, because I cannot get comfortable, which really sucks by the way, and after a conversation we had before bed really got me thinking. Nights like these are going to be happening much longer. Once he gets medical clearance, he will get his boot camp ship out date. He will be gone for how ever long, then be back for a short while and then gone again. I am not going to get the kisses before bed or the cuddling in the middle of the night, or the rolling over in the morning to him looking at me, kiss me and say "good morning beautiful". What am I supposed to do when he is gone. When I sleep at home and he is not there, I already roll over in the middle of the night and look for him. I dont get sad because I know I will get to see him soon. How am I going to feel when I roll over and he isnt there and I know he wont be there? This is going to be a lot harder to handle than I thought. I have gotten such strong feelings for him in such a short time, and I would never tell him not to go because he wanted this before I came along, I just know this is going to be a much harder transition than I though. Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me want to roll over, grab him and cry but that would bring up a bunch of questions if I woke him up. I guess I better get used to crying myself asleep for a while. It will get easier as time goes by, but the initial time period in the beginning is going to be hard. Im gonna miss his kisses. His smell. His smile. His laugh. His curly hair. The way he makes me fell. The way he makes me laugh. His quirky little antics he does. Im in for a lot of sleepless nights.

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The Year Is Almost Over

I cannot believe that September is almost here. It seems like just yesterday was New Years. So many things have changed this year. Started out the new year with a clean start. Had a new guy that I thought was a good one, but 6 months later, turned out to be just like the rest of them. Many friends have come and many friends have gone. Friendships that have been around for 17 years are gone, which actually doesnt make me sad. I found out that most of the classes Ive taken at Los Medanos will not transfer to a 4 year College, so I am stuck at a Junior College for god knows how much longer. Have a few personal health issues occur and some didnt turn out like I wanted them too and one completely devestating. But everything happens for a reason right? I would love to know the reasoning behind that one. Something I wanted for so long, taken right out from under my feet in the blink of an eye. 7 months later, my life took a good turn. Connected with a really great guy, who seems to be treating me good. Its nice to have that feeling that things are good and that someone truely cares. I havent felt like this in a long, long time. I dont think he will ever know how much I honestly and truely care about him. So here is to the last 4 months of 2011... I am ready to make this year one I will remember.

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This Shit Is Hilarious

So you don't want to be my friend less than 48 hours ago and now you won't stop messaging me. I will let people make up their own mind on this one. I am going to post what she has written then the messages she has been sending me. This shit makes me laugh.

Posted August 19: Im so happy to be home and away from all the childish drama.

Posted August 19: Yeah soo fucking mature.. delete me as a friend yet keep me as ur sister... whos the smart one... not you..... Wont even pick ur shit up when im home cuz u dont wanna face the facts. Whatever... Be a conceded drama qween... and idgaf how i spell!

Posted August 20: Im dont with ur petty drama. You want everyone to feel sad for you. I do feel sad for you. Sad that you cant realize that when ur fucking hurt again im not gonna be there and you will have no one there for you.

Posted August 24: Im glad to be the bigger person even tho im younger.

Posted August 24: Glad that conceded bitch is outta my life for good!!

Posted August 24: My "stupid fucking paper" is more important than u ever were. If u wanted ir shit soulda just camee and got it like the big girl u think u are. Im glad ur outta my life and outta my town. Have a good life. Leave me out of it! Goodbye for good.

Posted August 26: Lets dont say goodbye. I hate the way it sounds. So if u dont mind lets just say for now see you when I see you ♥ ??????


I have no idea what the fuck that post was supposed to mean but it seems like she made it clear that she was done with me, for good. Now here are the messages she has been sending me.




Message sent yesterday


ABBY:  Look jess I never said anything about the track and I naver had anyone msg u. This is between u and me. I believe that everything between us is done so there no reason for ur friends to be bad mouthing me saying they gonna beat my ass. This is too much drama for the both of us. We just need to drop this it had gotten to out of control and I dont want my life threaten over it.

JESS: You are right. It is between you and I. As for our friends doing what they do, is them not me. So fucking ignore them. We are done. Im done with you. You are done with me. Bye.


ABBY: Fine. Ur choice

JESS: Quit trying to make me look like that bad person for not being friends with you. You wanted nothing to do with me 24 hours ago and after thinking about it, I want nothing to do with you. Just leave it at that and move on.

ABBY: Im not trying to make u the badd person. Im just sayin putt it behind us and act lke mature ppl that we both are. Goodbye

ABBY: Sorry for bothering u but I need to know who msged you thats from my "posse". One name is all I need thanks.

JESS: It came in as facebook user but someone signed it anthony i think or something with an A. I didnt respond to it. But i think its funny whoever is on my page is telling you everything i post. Please tell me who so i can delete thme too thanks

ABBY: Thank you. And almost everyone. Not kelly tho or ashley. But I hear different things from different ppl.

JESS: I dont see how when i deleted 99 percent of people that would tell you and my stuff is blocked. Unless my login in saved in your computer and then thats fucked up on your part. But we are done here. Move the fuck on.

ABBY: I dont go on ur page. But fine were done. 17 yrs of friendship down the drain. Goodbye

JESS: Hey you said it was just giving you what you wanted. BYE!!!!!! If I can quote because I had to save it, it was just that hilarious...



My "stupid fucking paper" is more important than u ever were. If u wanted ir shit soulda just camee and got it like the big girl u think u are. Im glad ur outta my life and outta my town. Have a good life. Leave me out of it! Goodbye for good.



SO YEAH 17 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP IS DONE!!! Go makes friends with someone else who wants to listen cause I am done listening.


ABBY: Thats funny how u can see eveything I put but I cant see what u put... U never changed.

JESS: It was sent to me because people knew it was about me. I just got smart and made all my stuff private. But you think I havent changed thats fine. What you think doesn't matter anymore. So stop messaging me and go on about your life. I have! Good bye Abigail!



Sounds like someone was trying to get a friendship back. I dont think so. I am done with your 17 year old high school drama. Yes people are going to say that blogging about it is so high school, but its not. I blog about everything so get over it.

Beautiful Lies Lyrics by Jaron and the Long Road To Love

Though I'm fully aware of your desperate despair
I'm charmed by the words that you say
Even though I know you, but never dared tell the truth
I'm seduced by your meaningless plays

And I could sit here and listen for days

As you lie to me, oh, lie to me
Tell me that you love me one more time
Just lie to me, oh, lie to me
I love your beautiful lies
Your beautiful lies

Just watching you speak so obliviously
I know it's wrong, but I'm laughing inside
'Cause I just pretend to believe you, my friend
Let you compliment me with your lies
It's just so fun to watch you try

So just lie to me, oh, lie to me
Tell me that you love me one more time
Lie to me, oh, lie to me
Though I love your beautiful lies
Your beautiful lies

And someday, when you realize
You're still all alone and so screwed up inside
I hope that I'm there
When you finally find the only person who cares

God bless you

Lie to me, lie to me
Tell me that you love me one more time
Just lie to me, oh, lie to me
I still love your beautiful lies
Your beautiful lies

The beautiful lies

Though I'm fully aware of your desperate despair
I'm still charmed by the words that you say

Birthday Recon Weekend (In Photos)

Fluffy Was Sad Because My Original Birthday Plans Sucked.

I Love His Tattoo.

He Wrote This On My Hand And Completely Made My Day.

My Penguin On My Blanket With A Heart Iron On.

The Guy At Raleys Did Not Know How To Spell Stripper.

Cake Fight.

I Love My Boys.

They Can Make Me Laugh No Matter What Mood I Am In.

They Are Adorable.

Alex & I.

This Is A Cute Picture Even Though You Cant See His Face.

<3 LOVE <3

Christina Came Home And Got Caked Too.

My Surprise Birthday Cake. It's Perfect.

Honored

Today I was honored by a dear friend of mine in the form of a question. She is getting married October 23rd and asked me to be her Maid of Honor!! Me of all people. I feel so special. I refuse to let her down. We are gonna have one hell of a time and one hell of a bachlorette party. Thank you to this friend, who I shall let remain nameless due to petty people who will go fucking ape shit. For what reason I have no idea. But I love you girl. We have been through so much and I am honored to get to stand next to you as your right hand (wo)man!

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:)

He makes me smile every day!

Penguins Mate Forever. He Must Be My Penguin!

Wow

The shit that is being pulled doesn't surprise me. Petty high school shit is ridiculous. You think I want to come to you about anything? I haven't come to you about shit in about 4 months. You don't know half the shit that is going on and that is why. It would be completely turned around and you would somehow fuck it up. Take your high school shit and stay the fuck out of my life. Go sleep with who you want but when something happens, my phone better not ring. I am done with your shit. Everything is not about you and you need to get that through your head.

Venting makes me feel so much better.

On a better note I got the best birthday present ever. My one and only Fluffy made me a fleece blanket and put a zebra heart on it. He wants to put more patches on it but we agrees that he can only put patches on every 5th of every months. Our monthly anniversary. He said that there will be a hell of a lot of patches on there. He is so cute. I love it.

So it had been set that by next January I will be moving out of my house and moving to the valley. I cannot wait. It will be a nice change to get away from the drama.

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This Is Why I Hate Birthdays

People really just know how to ruin my birthday. Everyone knew how much I wanted to go camping. I was all excited that I was getting to hang out people that I actually wanted to spend my birthday with. Fuck was I wrong. I am so done with people thinking that they can use my plans as a way to make everything about them. This weekend was supposed to be about me. It was MY birthday and MY trip. I know that sounds conceeded but I dont care. This trip turned out to be a total bust because of stupid fucking drama and I just snapped. I could care less what I said, or how I said it. It had to be said and I dont give a fuck anymore. I am done dealing with this person. I am not going to baby them anymore. Dont come to me for advice. You can go fuck whoever you want. Go screw up your life. I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. I am done. Grow up. You are a senior in high school. You keep it up you are gonna get a reputation that you arent going to like and you have fucked everyone over with your attitude that no one wants to deal with you anymore. Sounds like you are shit out of luck.

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Brought To My Attention

After this had been brought to my attention I couldn't help but blog about it because I know realize everything he told me was a bunch of lies.

"I've had couple friends tell me I need to settle down again, to be honest I could go for that again, but it's like this I start my new job next Monday, I've got goals I'm going to meet no matter what, so ladies if you can understand and be supportive of that and wanna keep moving forward in life, then we can be happy until the end of time, but if I feel like your slowing me down in achieving my goals then I won't hesitate to break up and move on."

 

 Really? So everything you ever told me was a lie? Telling me that you never wanted to settle down, you never wanted to get married and you never wanted to have kids? Sounds like a lie to me. Thank god I have moved on from that piece of shit liar to someone so much better. Someone who makes me laugh and smile and I can be me around. Someone who treats me like I should be treated and not put on the back burner and used until something better came along. Fuck you asshole.

 Damn I feel better.

A Million Smiley Faces

I can talk to him every night before bed and we always have something to talk about. He actually cares about how my day went. Its so nice that I have found someone who actually and truely cares. I can joke around with him and no one gets angry. He accepts my quirks and flaws. He is truely amazing in my eyes.

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Over It

I think that friendship is really over for good. I realized that when something doesn't go their way its basically fuck you, I am done with you. But when you need to figure out the final count for a trip and they ignore you for over a week and the trip is 5 days away... I think that is fucked up. Yet somehow I pissed them off because I told them that we had to stick to the original plan that they come up on Thursday and leave Friday because the people that were gonna come up on Friday were going to need the tent spot they had taken over. Plus the people coming up on Friday were part of the original group anyways so they get dibs on the spot anyway. I didn't mind these other people were actually coming up because I invited them to just come hang out on my birthday. Then they invited themselves to stay Thursday night. Fine. Not a problem. But when they invited themsleves to stay the whole weekend, that was a bit much. They basically blew up at me because I told them they couldn't stay the whole weekend. It's a bunch of shit. Fuck them. Its my birthday. Its my trip. FUCK YOU!!

I feel better now.

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Blah

Today is just a feeling blah day. I went to the doctor this morning because I woke up with one of my famous headaches and she said that if I ever woke up with one to call and make an appointment with her. So I did. I have these stress balls in the back of my head and neck and when they hit or attached to my nerves, it causes the pain that cause my headaches. I have to reduce my stress levels significantly and a half hour before bed I have to lay in a dark room with no lights and no sounds to relax my mind. I hope that works cause I really hate these headaches.

I am so happy that I have my Fluffy around. Things have been really crazy around here and in my life and I get to talk to him before I go to bed. It's nice cause I can get some things off my chest before I sleep. I have actually been sleeping better. Which is nice. I have completely fallen for him. It's crazy. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. I can never stay angry with him for more than 5 minutes. All he has to do is smile or kiss me and nothing matters anymore.

Today Sucked

Oh my god. Today at work was crazy. We had two of our students get into a fight with each other and both got suspended. I cannot believe that  two lifeskills kids actually fought each other. I thought they were harmless kids to each other but I guess not. Damn. I want to just go to bed and forget today happen and wake up and it be Friday already.

Ugh.

"Life is never easy. Pain will always set in. Sometimes you fall to easy and sometimes you don't fall far enough. Some people accept who you are with and some people don't. Is there even a middle ground in life?"

 

Happy 6th Birthday Caylee Marie

Today would of been Caylee Marie Anthony's 6th birthday. Justice still has not been served. I believe this little angel would of became something big and wonderful. She never got to live her life. I hope one day they find out who murdered her. Today I wear pink and purple in memory of Caylee Marie!

Fucking Bullshit

Oh my god. I thought I was almost 24 years old. You want me to pay rent but then I can't do what I want? That's so fucking stupid. If I pay rent I should get to do what I want too with my room that I pay for. If I want to have a boy over to sleep in my room, I should be able too. No questions asked. I should be able to come and go as I please but fucking no. This is stupid. Why should I pay rent for no privacy. I can go somewhere else and pay rent and get to do what I want. I had more freedom when I was in high school then I do now that I am an adult. Even my grandma is turning against me. This is crap. What is the point of living here? I cant do what I want, when I want. I cant go anywhere without getting yelled at about anything. I need to get the fuck out of here. The worse part about all this, is I called Chris and vented to him about this. He has enough going on his life to deal with my shit. Some girlfriend I am. I need to learn not to vent to other people and just stick to venting on my blog. It doesn't talk back and doesn't care what I say.


Oh and to top it all off. My birthday is 10 days away. I am still planning my camping trip. That is all screwed up. People are inviting themselves to stay longer than they really can because we have more people coming up on Friday that are going to take then tent spot because we can only have 3 tents per site. I told them they can only stay until Friday and then they have to leave or get their own site. I wonder how well that will go over or even if they will respond. The thing I worry about is if they don't come or don't stay for the weekend, one of the people coming up on Friday won't come because they aren't going to be there. Why does this always happen to me and my plans for my birthday? I am just going to stop caring about my birthday all together. What's the point? It doesn't seem like anyone else cares about it. Why should I?

Oh. My. God.

This weekend was Perfect. It was so fucking amazing. He finally asked me out. It was so cute the way he did it. We went to get pizza for dinner. Then he asked if he could blindfold me. I gave him this stupid look and told him no. So instead I just laid down across the seat, knowing that I would fall asleep. When he woke me up we were in the middle of no where and he had set up a picnic in the back on his truck with blankets and pillows and music. It was pitch black out and all you could see were thousands of stars and the moon. It was so damn cute. After we ate pizza we just laid there listening to music. Brad Paisley's "She's Everything" came on and after that song was when he asked me. :) Just talking about it is making me smile and wish I could relive everything again. He is so amazing.

I Love You This Big :: Scotty McCreery

I know I'm still young
But, I know how I feel
I might not have too much experience
But, I know when love is real.

By the way my heart starts pounding
When I look into your eyes
I might look a little silly
Standing with my arms stretched open wide.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I'll love you to the moon and back
I'll love you all the time
Deeper than the ocean
And higher than the pines.

Cause girl, you do something to me
Deep down in my heart
I know I look a little crazy
Standing with my arms stretched all apart.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

So much bigger than I ever dreamed my heart ever would
I love you this big
And I'd write your name in stars across the sky
If I could, I would

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big