Not Myself

I have noticed I haven't been feeling myself lately. Im not going to say I'm depressed to the point where I should talk to someone, but I just don't feel like myself. Just really down on myself. I'm not sure what I can do to pull me out of this funk. I've stopped working out. I'm tired all the time(no I'm not pregnant). I just don't feel motivated to do anything. I feel so stressed out. I just hate feeling like this.

New Journey

Today I start a new journey. I've done a lot of research on this product and I figured I would give it a shot. I am talking about Fitmiss. It's a supplement company made just for women to aid in all kinds of things. Their moto is Be Fit. Be Lean. Be Healthy. Strong is the new sexy. I can live by that. I got a few products to try right now and if it goes will I will be purchasing more. I got the Burn supplement which boost energy and metabolism. It's also an appetite suppressant and also a mood balancer. I'm so for that. I know it's going to take a few days to kick in but I'm excited to see how things go. I also got the Z-Slim PM. I was all kinds of excited to see this and try it. It's a nighttime fat metabolizer and sleep aid. It's supposed to help create healthy sleeping patterns and also helps promote deep sleep. I'll give it a try. We all know I need to try and get better sleep. I've tried just about everything on the market. So I will try and do weekly updates on this. I doubt that will happen but hey it's worth a shot right.

Last Day Of Year 27

Today is my last day of being 27. Holy crap. I am climbing in age rather quickly. It seems like just yesterday I was turning 21 and I was so excited and now I am creeping in on my 30s. Life really go by in the blink of an eye. Well year 27 was a good year. Not great but some good things happened and some not so amazing things happened(mostly in the last week).

School is moving slowly and I am starting to submit transfer applications. Its such a surreal feeling. I remember starting out on this journey 10 long years ago. I know some people are way done with school by now but you know what I did it at my own pace and doing what I want to do and it's all paying out in the end.

Chris and I had our normal ups and downs, but what is new. Every relationship does. We just recently hit our 4 year anniversary. Yeah I know I have in the back of my mind of my 4 year max. I never seem to stay in a relationship longer than 4 years. I get bored. And yes things with Chris feeling 'settled' but maybe thats a good thing. I don't know what the next year hold for us but only time will tell.

My health is good. It didn't start out that well but it got better. Got the Flu really bad last summer and ended up being hospitalized for it. Not for very long but still. I hate being that sick. I don't normally get sick so when it hits, it hits hard.

My workout routine has stuck somewhat. I've lost some inches around my waist but I have cut way back on how many days I was working out because I was back in school for 7 weeks, 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. It was hard to keep up with working out and all the homework that was given. But the semester is over and I am waiting for my grade. Back to school next week for my last semester at JC. It's only 2 days a week though. So I will be ok.

Now for the bad...

Every one knows how close I am to the Millican family. Clay, NHRA drag racer, and his family is such an group of people. Last Wednesday night Dalton, Clay and Donna's youngest son, was killing in a single-person motorcycle accident. It was a shock and it hit really really close to home. With my dad and his motorcycle accident, it was just a rough day for me. I'm not gonna lie, I broke down and cried that morning. I just couldn't hold it in. Right now as I write this I am tearing up. I ask myself why? Why would you take someone who had such a bright future? Someone so young? 22? It just hurts and I cant imagine how Clay and Donna, and Cale feeling. Its so hard and we can't be there for them. He was laid to rest yesterday and from what I saw it was beautiful. So many people came out to show their love for D-Milli. And that ride... it gave me chills to watch. Fly High Dalton.... watch over your dad on the track. Maybe pull a few strings and bring home that first Wally.

All and all 27 wasn't such a rough year. I'm curious at what 28 will bring.

Summer Update

So as I have 8 classes left for the Summer semester I thought I would do a bit of a summer update.

Math class is actually going good. After 5 weeks I am still sitting at a Solid B. I'm proud of me. If you've known me for any length of time you would know that Math and I do not get along what so ever. We are not friends at all. But I'm still passing. So go me!

#2yearswithoutcory

730 days.... it doesn't feel that long. It seems like only yesterday I was sitting in a parking lot after a baseball game and the first tweets were coming in that we had lost Cory. I couldn't wrap my mind around. I was speechless for about 5 minutes before I ran through the parking lot to Chris who was walking back from the bathroom to tell him the news.

730 days.... and sometimes it still doesn't seem real. Some days iTunes just feels like it's a day to remember you. From "Jessie's Girl" to Lea's beautiful redition of "Make You Feel My Love". You are still every where and I am ok with that.

I love being reminded of your smile, your energy, and your look on life. Your demon won, but it will never define you.

We miss you!!!

Workout Progress

Of course in true Jessica fashion I couldn't stick to going to the gym. I just got tired of driving all the way there and all the way home. So I decided to try out a personal trainer online from a girl I watch on youtube. Her name is Lucy Wyndham. She is ex-British Army and does most of her online videos about workout she learned in the Army. I decided to give one of her 100 rep challenges a try. I got in contact with her through twitter and asked if we could customize our own 100 rep challenge from all the ones she has done, kind of like a pick and choose. She said of course, thats why she has posted so many. Even from 6000 miles away she is supportive. I told her I had a hard time staying motivated and she said she is there for me every step of the way. She even sent me a few positive messages to keep me going. So anyways... I thought I would do one today. It looked easy. I got into it but it got really really hard to keep going to 100 but I did it. I never gave up. But let me tell you... that shit isn't easy at all. Holy Shit. I sweated more in the less than 10 minute rep workout then I do for 2 hours at the gym. So totally worth it. I truly hope I can stick with it. I really do.

Now it's time to go and drink a crap ton of water. 

Grades Are In

Even though I didn't really try that hard this semester to get straight A's, I still managed to pass all of my classes. The only class I worked my off in is Math class. I ended up coming out with a C in that class. Toward the end of the class it got really hard for me and I struggled a lot. I hope that isn't a sign of what my intense 7 week summer class is going to be like. I'm stressing out already and I don't start that class for another month and a half. My History class is another issue in itself. This teacher is a down right dumb bitch who doesn't know what the fuck she is talking about. I pulled a C out of my ass on that one. I'm not the only one. I talked to most of the other people in that class through email and most of them actually failed. I feel like my C is actually an A. Fuck her!

A Bit Of A Downer Morning

I had a rough morning with the weight loss journey. I have been doing a lot of at home workouts over the last few weeks. I took my measurements because it is the first of the month and I lost inches around my arms, my thighs are the same, but I gain 3 inches around my waist. I am so angry with myself. I guess I'm not working hard enough on abs. Gah. I'm just so pissed at myself.

This Chick... Pure Comedy

Omg! This Chick on twitter is hilarious. We got into a spat over the shit in Baltimore. Her responses are hilarious. You can't see mine because I took a screen shot of my notifications. But I'm sure you can figure out what was said on my parts. Spent Thursday morning putting a 15 back where she belongs. In school to learn something about the world.

Week 1 Workout

So I've hit the one week mark for working out. I worked out almost every day except Saturday and Sunday. I either walked or used my weight plates. I haven't been able to make it to the gym because I am still in school. Well technically I could but I haven't. Lazy ass I know. But I feel like this is a good start. Working myself up to going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week. The only downfall is that I haven't given up sweets or sodas. I really should though. It's just hard. I love chocolate. But I've got to do what Ive got to do. The heat is starting to get really bad so walking during the day will cause a lot of sweating. Sweating is good. I guess I need to get off my ass during the day more often.

It Seems...

... that there is a stomach bug floating through the house. Josh had it two nights ago, John Paul had it last night, and now Chris has it today. I am keeping my distance from everyone. I don't want to get sick. There is too much going on in the next few weeks for me to get this damn stomach bug.

I can't believe the Spring semester is almost over. 1 week of lectures left and then finals. Where did this year go? 7 weeks in the Summer and then one fall class and it's on the bigger and better things. I can't wait to be out of the junior college system. It's a joke.

Question of the Day

Should I blog my weight loss journey?

At It Again

So again I am trying to get back into working out and eating healthy. It's hard to do when they people you live with are very supportive of clean eating and things of such nature. I've bought a few books and even downloaded a "Live Strong and Fit" binder to help me stay on track. Hopefully it works. I just wish I had someone to workout with me and to help me in this journey. Chris isn't into the whole clean eating like I am even though he needs it more than I do. I am in need of finding a good workout regime. Something that will work out for 3 or 4 days a week. 1 day for abs, 1 day for legs, 1 day for arms, and 1 day for cardio. I just want someone to walk me though what machines to use to how many reps to do. There are trainers at the gym but they are at random times during the day and from what I've seen from watching them work with people, they would rather spend more time on their phones than helping out their customer. I literally watched one of the personal trainers stand there over her trainee and play Candy Crush while the person paying for the trainer was using the machine wrong. If I could afford a better gym I would but you cant go wrong for $20 a month and you get to use everything at the gym. I also want to start tanning again. I think I am going to have to buy a new pair of tanning goggles because I seem to have lost mine. They are no where to be found. Oh well. They are only $5 at the gym. I've got all my tanning lotions and such so I guess I better get on it.

Countdown

1 month until the end of the semester and then I have a little time off then back at it for 10 weeks of stress. Then the final semester at MJC is this fall. Yes. The end is in site. Then it's off to the big back world of real college!

Wow

It has been forever since I have updated my blog. I am currently listening to a 1:34 minute video for my History class and I thought now would be as good of time as ever to update my blog.

I had a huge revelation this morning. As this spring semester is coming to a close in I think about 5 weeks or so I will have 2 semesters left at the Junior College system. 10 weeks in the summer for Math 90 and 16 weeks in the fall for Math 101 and then I am done. I will begin to apply to  transfer schools in the fall. Its such a surreal feeling. I never thought I would get this far. It's been 10 years since I graduated high school. I started to JC system 10 years ago. It's been a hell of a long road with lots that has happened, procrastination being a key factor in what has taken me so long. I'm sure when I finish my last semester of JC I will probably cry because I can say that I am done with the JC system and I don't have to see it every day like I have for many many years.

I guess that's all I really have to say. There really isn't a whole lot going on. Still trying to lose weight though. Slowly but surely I will get there. It will just take a while. I know it will.

Yes I Know

I know my cousin and I have been through some hard times but I am so glad I have her to vent too. I refuse to vent to anyone down here because everyone down here is bound to take the oppositions side. I'm over the high school shit that people live for down here. I've been out of high school 10 years and I don't plan on going back. I really wish people would grow the fuck up already. I really do. I wish everyone could be a grow up when they are the age of 25 and above. Yup. That is all. I'm done now.

Not So Good January

So January wasn't out to that great of a start and it never really got better. Started out New Years with a not so big bang, which is fine. That I didn't mind at all. Slowly started getting ready for school to start and trying to get some stuff in order to transfer, which has yet to be done because Marsha and I can't seem to sync our schedules and find a good time to meet. Either I have something going on or she is out of the office or sick. It's going to have to get done soon because I believe I can apply in the fall. School started and that was fine. My classes aren't really all that bad. Math, History and Yoga. Math is the only class I'm worried about. The other two classes are just fill in classes. I was all set to start my happiness project this month but as we can tell it didn't go very well. I'm just so over January and truthfully over 2015 and it just started. Ugh.

First Week Of Spring Semester

Well the first week of Spring Semester is officially over. It's been a crazy week with a crap ton of homework already. Yoga will be my easiest class for sure, but Math and the online History class I am taking is going to be the death of me. My History teacher thinks we have no other classes that we are taking and that we have all the time in the world. Yeah ok. Some of us want to get out of the JC system not stay it in any longer. This lady is crazy. I'm just saying. Math is going to be interesting I can say that. So far I remember a lot from previous semesters of Math. So far things are ok but I'm sure that will change when we get a little farther into the semester. She allows us to use a calculator, hopefully on the quizzes, that would be nice. If we can I will have no problem in this class. We all know I hate math.

In other news...

Christina has officially moved back to Texas. So we don't have to deal with her shit anymore. The house is cleaner than I have seen it in almost a year. The bathroom is still clean, the kitchen is still clean, it's so nice. Josh has decided that he is joining the Marines. So in a few months he will be gone. Now if Chris and I can just get out on our own then I wouldn't have to deal with this shit anymore.

Happiness Project

For 2015 my only resolution is to better myself, whatever ways possible. I decided not to make a list a mile long of things I will probably never commit to. This way it's easy and anything I do will better myself. I am starting out with creating my own Happiness project. I have a new objective every month to try and better myself with. I just finished reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. This book has been the most eye opening book i've ever read. She has inspired me to really want to change a lot about myself emotionally and mentally, not that much psychically because that's not what this is about. It's not about how you look it's about how you feel about yourself. I've kind of used her happiness project as my outline with doing almost the exact same resolutions during the months, but how I achieve them might be a little bit different. I was amazing that there was someone else out there that was going through some of the same stuff that I was going through or even just felt like on a day to day basis. Thank you Gretchen Rubin for writing this book and speaking to millions of reading all across the world, including myself.

I have broken down the months into categories. I only have gotten through May but I'm sure as the months go on I will find things that I need to work on to make myself happier.

January: All About Energy
     I will be spending all of January trying to give myself more energy. Starting to take a multi vitamin again, reading more, less TV, more walking and exercising, healthier eating and such things of that nature.

February: What I Love About Your Love
    February is all about really showing the people who I love dearly that I do love them. I need to better relationships with them such as spending more one on one time with them and just being there for them like they have been there for me for so many years.

March: The Sky's The Limit
     March is when I really sit down and figure out what I want to do with my education. Do I want to pursue more than one degree? Do I want to do a multi subject credentialed teacher? Basically about my future.

April: Lighten The Mood
    This month is probably the most important for me. I really need to learn how to not let the little things get under my skin. To brush off the little things and really focus on what matters. I need to find different way to displace my angry or disappointment instead of yelling or getting angry for things that really don't need to be a big deal.

May: You Only Get One Mind
    This month I want to really focus on keeping my mind at ease. Mostly through meditation and yoga. I used to be a very calm and laid back person, but now I am all worked up and tense and having a lot of stress. Stress is not good for anyone. I really want to get rid of it.


This blog is a to be continued post......