Thinking A Lot Lately

I have been thinking a lot lately about starting a Vlog/makeup channel on youtube. I see a bunch of people who have done it. Some people who are just like me... so why can't I do it? I'm sure no one would watch them but oh well.

Rest In Pease Robin Williams

I never thought in a million years today would be the day I would make the post about losing an American legend. Robin Williams took his own life today. The coroner suspects that he hung himself. Now whether they found him hanging or not, it has not been said but it looked like a suicide. For the millions of us who never got to meet Mr. Williams but were graced with his smile on tv and in film, may not be able to grasp this reality. I can step foot into the hole his family feels like they are in. Now I know they will probably never see this but for me it will help me get past this first stage of grief, confusion. My uncle, who was also my godfather, took his own life back in 2006. He too was found hanging in his garage. He too felt like he had no other way out. A smile on his face to let everyone know he was ok when deep down he was slowly dying inside. I'm sure this is how Mr. Williams felt on his final days. Smiled at everyone and went about his normal business. No one suspected a thing. Do I think he took the cowards way out? No! He took the only way out he could see. Have I lost respect for what he did? Again no. He fought his demons for years and in the end his demons won the battle. Yes the demons may have taken over our heart today but when we wake up tomorrow we will always remember the good things about Robin Williams. He loved to make everyone smile. He cares about everyone else before himself but sill remember to care for himself. He was a father, brother, son, husband, friend, and hero. A true legend in the eyes of America and all over the world. It still does not seem real. But as the weeks, days, months and years go by we will always remember the boy who grew up to become a star but in the end went to spend eternity with his lost boys in Neverland. 

Pray for Ella Barna

So I just got done watching Kandee Johnson's video that she did when she went to visit Ella Barna. Ella is a 12 year old girl who has been fighting cancer since she was 8 months old. Watching the video had me in tears because at one point she began to cry. This little girl has been through so much in her life. I checked out her social media accounts and I can say that I have never been so humbled by one person. When something bad happens to me I sometimes think I'm never going to get past it. I will never think that again. After hearing Ella's story and everything she has been through and still going through makes me realize that my life really isn't that bad and that their are people out there who are having such a worse time then I am and they are keeping a smile on their faces and moving forward each and every day because that is what they have to do to survive. Sitting here just thinking about her story makes me so sad and angry at god for making someone this precious and this young go through something so terrible. I know people are going to say that god hands things like this to people because he made them strong enough to handle it, but she is just a little girl with her whole life in front of her. As I'm typing this baby Jaxon is sleeping in front of me and even though he is not my son(he is my boyfriend's sister's son) I still could not imagine someone not much bigger than him having to go through something so tragic and scary. Just looking at him makes me want to just hold him and cry. Yes I understand that there is nothing wrong with him and his is fine and healthy, but Ella and many more children out there are not. Hugging Jaxon is my way of hugging each and every one of them. They are all a child of god. No I am not a religious person but there is really nothing else to add this up too. I will be waiting to hear more about Ella's story and I hope she keeps fighting with every ounce of heart and soul she has left.