I Wonder Where I Am At

At the beginning of the year I made a list of 20 things I was going to do by years end. Well since it is July 31st, well over half way through, I thought I would update to see if I am even attempted any of them.



1. Free myself from negative people. (For the most part I guess I have)
2. Let go of those who are already gone. (Still trying to work on that)
3. Give people I don't know a fair chance. (I think I've done a good job at this one)
4. Show everyone kindness and respect. (Yeah... um... no! You don't respect me, I don't respect you)
5. Encourage others and cheer for them. (........)
6. Accept people just the way they are. (Yes I have done this. Probably too much)
7. Be my imperfectly perfect self. (Well of course. Who else would I want to be)
8. Forgive people and move forward. (Some people you can never forgive)
9. Do little things every day for others. (I tried that, fuck that shit)
10. Always be loyal. (From day one....)
11. Stay in better touch with people who matter to me. (I wish I was better at it, but I'm working on it)
12. Keep my promises and tell the truth. (Some things you just cannot keep)
13. Give what I want to receive. (I've tried... people are just down right stupid)
14. Say what I mean and mean what I say. (Yup! True down to the core)
15. Allow others to make their own decisions. (I've given up putting in my input with some people.)
16. Take a little less, and listen more. (Nope! I love to talk)
17. Leave petty arguments alone. (I can say that I have stopped a lot of petty fights)
18. Pay attention to my relationship with myself. (I wish my relationship with myself was better.)
19. Pay attention to who my real friends are. (Yup. I hold them near and dear to my heart)
20. Ignore nonconstructive, hurtful commentary. (Fuck that shit. It still gets to me)

My Emotional Rollarcoaster...

...should be ending today. Lea Michele tweeted today. It broke my heart into little pieces at first, but then I thought to myself that if she can be strong than I know I can. Cory's passing will never effect me that way it has effected her. Her entire world came crashing down in a matter of seconds. Her heart and soul, the love of her life was gone forever. It hurts to even think of that kind of pain. But in Lea's words to Ryan Murphy... THE SHOW MUST GO ON! She is right. It's time to move forward. Cory will always be with every single member of Glee and with the millions of fans that have grown to love him over the years. We will never forget him. Even though we may shed a tear when someone talks about him, we will all get to a time that when we here "Cory Monteith" or "Finn Hudson" or even "Finchel" that we will smile and just remember that he is in a better place where nothing can hurt him anymore.

Fall Semester 2013

So I registered for my Fall classes today. I got Biology, English, and Spanish. It's going to be one hell of a semester. I can tell you that. I'm knuckling down and ready to move on up to the big time college! 

I Feel Like Blogging At 3am

So today has been an eye opener for me. I have realized today that after watching countless episodes of Glee season 1 that its time to let go. It's time to let go of the fact that Cory is gone, but I will never let go of him in my heart. I know I've said this countless times before and I will say it again. He changed my world and he never even knew it! He changed so many lives for the better. I just wish we could all tell him so it would make him want to get sober enough not to keep going back to drugs. As Lea Michele put it... The show must go on! And go on it shall.

We love you Cory! You will forever be in our hearts and as long as we live we will always ship Finchel! 

Keep Holding On Lyrics

Listening to this song makes me miss Cory Monteith more than I have in a week and a half but it also makes me stronger. Just read the lyrics and you will understand! 

You're not alone 
Together we stand 
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand 
When it gets cold 
And it feels like the end 
There's no place to go 
You know I won't give in 
No I won't give in 

Keep holding on 
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through 
Just stay strong 
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you 
There's nothing you could say 
Nothing you could do 
There's no other way when it comes to the truth 
So keep holding on 
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through 

So far away 
I wish you were here 
Before it's too late, this could all disappear 
Before the doors close 
And it comes to an end 
With you by my side I will fight and defend 
I'll fight and defend 
Yeah, yeah 

Keep holding on 
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through 
Just stay strong 
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you 
There's nothing you could say 
Nothing you could do 
There's no other way when it comes to the truth 
So keep holding on 
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through 

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe 
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny 
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 

La da da da 
La da da da 
La da da da da da da da da 

Keep holding on 
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through 
Just stay strong 
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you 
There's nothing you could say 
Nothing you could do 
There's no other way when it comes to the truth 
So keep holding on 
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through 

Keep holding on 
Keep holding on 

There's nothing you could say 
Nothing you could do 
There's no other way when it comes to the truth 
So keep holding on 
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through!

Another Historical Day!!

The Duke and Dutchess of Cambridge have welcomed a Baby Boy!!!! It's so exciting!!!

Updated: they have named the royal baby!!!

HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCE GEORGE ALEXANDER LOUIS OF CAMBRIDGE! 

1 Week

Tomorrow will be 1 week since the passing of our beloved Cory Monteith. A lot has happened this week. The autopsy and toxicology report found alcohol and heroin in his system. There have been reports that he has already been cremated. Haven't heard of any memorial or funeral for family, but I know there is a huge one tonight in Los Angeles. Some Glee cast members have released statements and returned to twitter, but many, including his beautiful girlfriend Lea Michele, have remained silent. Some of the cast members also met with writing and producers yesterday and have decided to postpone filming until mid August and have also pushed the Premire date a week from the 18 to the 26. I have time to work myself up to watching it. As each day comes and goes, it gets a little easier. Somedays I can listen to Glee music and somedays all I want to is cry. I know a lot of people are talking about how I've gone way to far with this. I never met him. Blah. Blah. But I'm invested in him. In his character. In his emotions and his love. His voice will always be on my mind. We love him til they day we die. He is flying with the angels now and gracing god with his beautiful voice. 

Almost 1 Week

It's been almost a week since the passing of Cory Monteith. It's been a rough week for a lot of us on this earth, but we have stuck together and leaned on each other in this time of tragedy. Seeing some of post from twitter and they have made me at ease. Here are some that have got me through these last 5 days...


With each day that passes, we will talk about you less and less but we will never forget you. You will always mean the world to us. <3

"When someone you love leaves you, they're never gone. They stay with you." #lifemorals #boymeetsworld

When I hear his voice on a song now, I will smile and remember he is in a better place now where nothing can and will not ever hurt him.

"I really feel that I'm losing my best friend I can't believe this could be the end It looks as though you're letting go"

With each passing second, minute, hour, and day things will get easier. We need time to grieve but the show must go on! We love you Cory!

Many people on Instagram have been posting amazing photos and I love every minute of it.

Time will go on slowly, but we will heal together. As one. For Cory.

Heartbreaking News

I will miss this face for the rest of time. We love you Cory. This earth is never going to be the same without you. Hearing you lost your battle with your demons crushes my heart. 

Cory Monteith Found Dead at Age 31

Glee star Cory Monteith was found dead Saturday, E! News has confirmed.

The 31-year-old was staying at the Fairmont Pacific Hotel and missed his check out time. Just after noon, he was found dead and alone in his room on the 21st floor.

According to Acting Vancouver Police Chief Doug LaPard, there are no indications of foul play and they are not discussing what was found in the room. The cause of death was not immediately apparent.

Monteith checked in July 6 and according to police, he was not staying with his girlfriend, Glee co-star Lea Michele. Michele was last spotted in Mexico on July 9th.

Monteith's family has been informed, according to LaPard, and when the actor was found he had been deceased for several hours.

Vancouver PD reports that a video showed Monteith returning to his hotel room by himself in early morning hours. LaPard explained at a press conference tonight that Monteith's family was just informed of his death about an hour prior, so although authorities wanted to get a statement out right away to confirm his passing to the press, they do not want to give any further details at this time, out of respect for the family.

A rep for Monteith tells E! News: "We are so saddened to confirm that the reports on the death of Cory Monteith are accurate. We are in shock and mourning this tragic loss."

A statement also was sent out on behalf of  Glee executive producers, 20th Century Fox Television and Fox Broadcasting Company: "We are deeply saddened by this tragic news. Cory was an exceptional talent and an even more exceptional person. He was a true joy to work with and we will all miss him tremendously. 

Our thoughts and prayers are with his family and loved ones."

Monteith, who starred as Finn Hudson on Glee since the show's beginning in 2009, spent time in rehab earlier this year, checking into a drug addiction treatment facility in April.

He had been open about his issues with substance abuse, previously admitting that he began using drugs at 13 and went into rehab at age 19.

In 2011, Monteith won a Teen Choice award for best actor in a comedy. The show's cast won a Screen Actors Guild award for an ensemble in a comedy in 2010.

On the Glee set, Monteith was known for being an incredibly hard worker and all-around good guy. He will be sorely missed.

Full statement from Acting Vancouver Police Chief Doug LePard follows:

"Shortly after noon Saturday, the Vancouver Police received a call from the BC Ambulance Service regarding a sudden death in a room on the 21st floor of the Fairmont Pacific Rim Hotel at 1038 Canada Place in downtown Vancouver.

Police attended within minutes of the call and paramedics advised the man in the room was clearly deceased. Coroner's staff did attend the scene.

The deceased has been identified as 31-year-old actor Cory Monteith, who achieved great fame on the popular TV series Glee.

Before I give further information, on behalf of the Vancouver Police, I want to pass on our condolences to the family, friends, castmates and millions of fans of Mr. Monteith. As was the case in countless homes, I watched Glee regularly with my daughters, and I know there will be shock and sadness in many households with the news of his tragic death.

Mr. Monteith checked into the hotel in July 6th and was due to check out of the room today. There were others with Mr. Monteith in his room earlier last night, but video and fob key entries show him returning to his room by himself in the early morning hours and we believe he was alone when he died.

When he missed his check-out time, staff went to the room at noon and found his body.

We know there will be considerable interest in this case, and we have detectives assigned to the case who attended with our Forensic Identification Unit to examine the scene, to ensure to the extent possible that there are no unanswered questions.

Hotel video has been secured as well as room access records. Our investigators have spoken with hotel staff, who are providing the utmost in cooperation.

An autopsy is scheduled for Monday. The Coroner will be determining the next steps with respect to establishing cause of death, but all indications are that there was no foul play."

My Favorite Cory Monteith Songs

Rest in Peace Cory! We miss you more than words can say. Your music has touched us in more ways than you will ever know. WE LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!

1. Can't Fight This Feeling
2. Jessie's Girl
3. (You're) Having My Baby
4. The Scientist
5. Losing My Religion
6. Girls Just Want To Have Fun
7. Just The Way You Are
8. Don't Stop Believin'
9. No Air
10. Keep Holding On
11. I'll Stand By You
12. Man In The Mirror
13. More Than A Woman
14. It's My Life / Confessions
15. Fight For Your Right To Party
16. Faithfully
17. We Are The Champions
18. Glory Days
19. Don't Speak
20. Don't Dream It's Over
21. Hello, I Love You
22. Damn It, Janet
23. She's Not There
24. I Don't Want To Know

My Letter To Cory Monteith

I still cannot believe you are really gone. It seems like just yesterday you were posting on Twitter asking people, including myself, about new bands to listen to, or posting pictures of you and Lea snowboarding. I am not sure how I am going to be able to turn on Glee on September 19th without the thought of you in the back of my head. You have touched some many people with your kind words and your music. It's so hard for me to be on social media right now because every time I refresh there is a new photo of you, a new tweet about you, or someone posting videos with you singing or even just smiling. This is going to be a long road for all of us. Even though I never truly got the chance to meet you, I want to thank you for getting me though some rough times with family, myself and loved ones. It was a calming feeling when I would turn on my radio and hear your voice coming through the speakers. It will take time for me to even be able to turn on Glee Music on my phone, computer, or even my TV. We love you from the bottom of our hearts and you will never, ever be forgotten. As a wise mind once wrote, Keegan Allen to be precise, "Cory, so sad to see you go pal. You got the whole world missing you." He is right. The entire world is missing you and we would change anything just to get you back.

Rest in Peace Cory Allen Michael Monteith!

Officially....

I have pick up a summer cold. Sore throat, body aches, coughing, the works. And it would come right on the heels of probably the busiest 30 days I've had in a while. I have a baseball game, a wedding, school registration, a baby shower, races with some family, my birthday, mine and Chris' 2 year anniversary, and the arrival of baby Joshua. There are also small things here and there, but those are the big ones. I thought maybe I was just a sore throat until I went to the gym and lasted all of about 10 minutes before I thought I was going to barf all over the treadmill. Nicholas and Chris have both caught it as well. Guess we can all be sick together.

Summer Cold

I think I have come down with a summer cold. I do not feel 100% at all. I feel way off. My stomach is not all that well, my throat hurts, and I have a stuffy, then runny nose and am sneezing like crazy. I swear for the last 2 days I have slept like 12 hours. I don't know if it because I don't feel good or if I am getting lazy from not having a job. But I have a feeling I am going to be asked to get a job and contribute and move out because Chris' stepdad doesn't get disability anymore because he used it all. It's going to be tight around here. Ugh. Even if I get a job I would want to save up to move out. Lets hope I get out of here soon.

Something Must Be Wrong

With me.

I just got a 4.0 with an A in my Geography class but I feel like I let myself down. How the hell do I let me self down when I got the highest grade? I don't know what is going on with me. I did start doing a detox about 2 weeks ago. I stopped taking Birth Control and tried to stop drinking soda. I was doing good but over the weekend things got crazy, and we were drinking and I had a lot of soda. I'm trying to get back on track and get back into the gym. We didn't go to the gym when it was like 110+ cause it would not of been good.

Nicholas' First Real 4th of July [IN PHOTOS]

All in all I would say it wasn't a complete success, but he didn't scream and didn't run scared. Hopefully nest year he will be more into it.