Just When

Just when I thought things were actually getting better, my dad and grandma prove me wrong again. My birthday is not a big deal. You made it a big deal. You told me to plan something I've never done before. So I try and you shoot me down. What the point then? Gah. I am so over it. I would rather have a movie and popcorn and sit with my blanket. Sounds like an awesome 25th birthday to me.

Interesting

Last night Alex, Kayla and I got into a very deep conversation about Religion and Politics. Let me just say we ended up agreeing to disagree but we never got defensive. It was a very interesting night. Hmmm.. I wonder what tonight has in store for us.

Fuck My Life

These are the classes I have left for in AA in Business Administration. That's if I go this route. I am not sure what I am going to do.

Basic Biology
Physical Geography
Nutrition
Model United Nations
Economic History of the U.S.
International Relations
Spanish 1
Oral Reading and Comprehensions
Advanced Comprehension
Comprehension
Fundamentals of Public Speaking
Human Sexuality
Woman's Health
2 PE classes

Now for the Business Admin Classes

Business Presentation Graphics
Bookkeeping 1
Human Relations in Business
Advanced Word Processing
Keyboarding for Speed
Professional English for Business
Records Managements
Alphabetic Note Taking
Machine Transcription
10 Key on the Computer
Elements of Supervision

Do you think I will ever be done? I am going to try and meet with someone to see if any of the classes I really don't need to take. I would love to be finished sometime before I am 50. But at this rate, I doubt it!

More Trouble For Teen Mom

Wow Amber just keeps going down the wrong path.

Amber Portwood in trouble again

Happy Valentine's Day

My Poor Cousin

So a while back my cousin suffered from these Chest pains that were so bad she couldn't sleep, she couldn't do anything. Things started to get better when she changed her diet and took meds but last night things got really bad. Horrible chest pains, swollen shut throat and couldn't move her head. Comes to find out that she had a tear in her lung that is letting air leak out and surround her heart with air and put pressure on it. That is what was causing the pain. In most cases the air just evaporates but they wont know for a couple of days if it will or not. I feel so bad for her. All these problems are keeping her from work, school and Explorer post. I hope she gets better soon. I need some cousin shopping time!

Today Can Go Suck It...

Today is just one of those days that I wish would end and never come back. Things just keep getting worse. I tried to make my day better, but no it doesn't seem to be working.

It started off with Chris coming back from the Dr and finding out that he needs to be on Insulin the rest of his life. That doesn't bug me but the way he is being. He doesn't want to take the insulin, but he needs it to live. He can't bring himself to stick his body with a needle, and I know I cant do it cause I would freak out. Ugh.

I did find out today that I didn't get the job at Macy's. There was a girl in my interview that had like 10 years of retail experience, so I kind of knew that I wasn't going to get the job.

My grandma called and told me my 4 month old baby cousin Sloan got sent to the hospital last night because she decided to stop breathing and turned all blue. Her mom froze and didn't know what to do. Thank god my cousin Brandon was there. He called 911 and got her to the hospital. She is completely healthy and fine. Phew. Thank god.

And for the big new, the check engine light came on in my car. My car is the only thing I have. I don't know what is wrong with it. Chris says he will check it out this weekend, but I am still worried about my car. I don't need it breaking down on me.

When will things start getting better for me? Someone please tell me!!

A Little Nervous

I am actually getting a little nervous about my interview tomorrow. I don't know how it's gonna go. I hope it goes good. I would really like to have a job an get off my ass. This shit is getting old.

I Am Speechless

I never thought that someone could be so rude, so selfish, so... Ugh. I never thought I would say that I wish I didn't have a brother, but after today I will stand up and say it loudly.

My dad had bought my brother a ticket to the Antioch Speedway awards banquet for 2 reasons. 1) to spend some time with him and 2) to help him try and get his job back at the race track. A couple hours before my dad was going to head over to pick up my brother, my brother called and told him that he wasn't going to go. No answer for a reason why, just I'm not going and hung up. So my dad said screw you and took Randy with him. So my dad, still bothered by what had happened between him and my brother, texted him last night with exactly this "I spend $40 for you to go and you stood me up, that's not cool. Thanks for nothing." I do not think that there is anything wrong with that. My dad was just speaking how he felt and was not being rude. My brother then responded with "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say nothing. Thanks for never being there."

Ok look here you little stupid mother fucker. He tried to spend time with you. He called and you always said No. He bought you everything you needed and you come back with that? How fucked up are you? Don't you ever say something like that to someone who has been through everything and would do everything and anything for his kids. Don't ever call me or anything and don't bother calling my father. You are 18 years old and an adult. He has no financial responsibility to you. Go be with your drug addicted dead beat mother. Stay the fuck out of my families life!

So...

I didn't really work out over the weekend, but I did walk around the Vineyard with the boys and grandma and Roxy. Got back at it today with 100 sit ups. Gonna bump it up to 150 tomorrow. Hopefully gonna start walking again on Monday. Big Momma works til 12:30am Mondays and Tuesday. So I live on sit ups and stretching for 2 days. That's fine. I can do that. I really want to stick to this. Hopefully soon I can start jogging. I would like that. I used to do it all the time. I would love to get back into it.

Day 2

So today was day 2 of these crazy work outs. Chris has me doing sit ups during the day and Big Momma and I have been walking at least 2.5 miles every night. I am determined to keep this up. I want to get to my goal weight and feel good about myself. I hope with the support I have here I can get through it and come out where I want. I just need to cut the fast food out completely. That's gonna be hard for me.

February 1, 2012

Today things are changing. I am starting my serious workout schedule and will be eating decent from now on. I am going to hold myself to it. I am so happy for Chris. He has been pushing me to keep at it. He is like my personal trainer. Its not that I am super duper fat, I just want to tone my body and get my belly to be flat again. I want to look good in a bathing suit again!